He has always been a drinker, but I guess he either hid the extent of it well, or it has gotten dramatically worse. My dad is now up to, on average, close to a quart of scotch per day. Several yrs ago, we noticed that he was becoming more and more forgetful, and feared that it was the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. He has seen numerous drs, including neurologists, who have diagnosed him w/ dementia. Not sure if it's purely alcohol induced, but my guess is that it is. The drs all acknowledge that he drinks way too much, but do not offer any concrete suggestions for treatment. I KNOW that a person must acknowledge their addiction and want help in order for treatment to work, but I honestly do not think that my dad is capable of thinking clearly enough to reflect and realize there is a problem; his short-term memory, especially when he is drunk, may only be several minutes long, if that. We have tried interventions and even got him to visit the local ER (my brother spoke to a nurse in admissions and he agreed that it sounded like our dad could be a danger to himself, and therefore a candidate for treatment) but they turned us away because he wasn't exhibiting any withdrawal symptoms. A clinician from my parents' insurance company that I spoke with stated that a person must be actively in withdrawal in order to be admitted to a detox facility, and then, if necessary, rehab. Is this true? My dad must be in danger of dying in order to get help?? My mom, siblings, and I are at out wits' end. In our experience, there has been a total lack of concern and resources, and we feel as if we're in a maze with all dead-ends and no way out. Add to that my worry that if we do manage to have him admitted somewhere that there aren't any decent places, especially ones that are knowledgeable about and sympathetic to the needs of the elderly. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Carol
He will not automatically then be put into rehab. An alcoholic must choose to go to rehab. As another poster said you cannot help an alcoholic that does not want to stop drinking. If he doesn't want rehab he will probably leave the detox and begin drinking again, which can be very dangerous. After a detox his tolerance will be significantly lower. His ability to drink large quantities will be diminished putting him at risk for alcohol poisoning.
Attend Al-Anon. Stop enabling him. Let him hit rock bottom and CHOOSE to get help, its the only way he will stop.
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At first he was a beast. One evening I was a guest for supper and when his wife left the room the man begged me to help him die.
But eventually he settled down and cooperated with rehab efforts, making good progress. He remained alive for about two years after the stroke and seemed to be decent company for his wife for the first time in memory.
What worked here is sorting out the alcoholism from the stroke disability. Addiction muddies the waters no matter what else is going on. So, of course you feel (and are) powerless in this situation. Blessings to you to find a healthy perspective. I've heard good things from people who turn to Al Anon for help with this.