Dad had a really bad day today -- wandering, confused, several accidents with urination, yelling for my Mom already in the early evening, very agitated all day. He has really faltered following a change in meds even though we stopped the new med after only 3 days and returned to the former med -- he was a zombie and his bathroom routine, etc. were totally shot, didn't wake up at all during the nights to use the bathroom and still doesn't. He has been off the new med since Monday but he is still no better. Doctor said it would take about 7 days to leave his system completely. He plopped down on the floor while I was at their house before dinner and we had a difficult time getting him onto his bed. Right after we got him on the bed the doorbell rang -- it was serendipity or a miracle, which one doesn't matter. A friend who works at a care center that provides Alzheimer's care was at the door, out of nowhere. To make a long story short, she called her supervisor and I spoke with her for some time. Representatives from the care center will be coming to the house on Monday afternoon to meet with us and Dad. They'll ask him some questions, etc. and most likely will have us take him there to be admitted. I hope so, but then again I don't want it to be so. My Mom is 83. She feels guilty, doesn't know what she'll do in the house by herself, knows she can't continue to take care of him as he worsens, doesn't want him to be in a nursing home, says he won't want to be there and will miss her because she is who he relies on, worries that their funds will be eaten up and she'll have nothing to live on, etc. I told her that the care center is where he needs to be, that she can't continue to take care of him -- I'm sure he's in the last stages --, that he needs the right people, who know what they're doing, to take care of him. This is so hard! And so sudden. How do we cope?
3 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
ADVERTISEMENT
It is so hard to make that decision, to put a parent in a facility, but it reaches a point where sometimes it is the best choice for all parties concerned, especially if financial circumstances dictate your decision as well. You can't live with Mom, and at 83, Mom is in no condition to bear the physical stress of caring for your Dad any longer. It is heartbreaking, but try to focus on the knowledge that your Dad will get the professional 24/7 management that he needs, and that your Mom will be safe. Of course it will take a period of adjustment for everyone, but eventually both you and your Mom's minds can rest easy. Blessing to all of you as you go through this next stage.