(She has about a week left of Medicare coverage for her stay where she is now.) My problem is that my brother is POA and would be responsible for covering those home health care expenses. I told him it would be about 2400 a month. (We're renting a 500/mo. studio for her near me where I would spend the afternoons and also sleep there. My own house is not an option.) The aides would be there in the mornings. Last week he said he was in agreement with that plan. Yesterday I talked with him and suddenly he's saying he doesn't know if there would be enough money to cover that. I know for a fact that my mother's monthly income would definitely cover it, but he keeps claiming that it won't because of all these "so -called' bills. So I'm afraid that if I jump into this situation, being dependent on him as far as coming up with the funds every month (rent, aides, and her daily support), he could easily say, on any given month, "well, there's not enough for the monthly support for her this month", and leave me in the lurch! I'm on disability, I can't support her on that! It's barely enough for me to make it month to month as it is! I don't want to put mom in assisted living, but it would be at least as much if not more than the amount I told my brother! And the thing is, of course, if the agreement/contract was made between him and an actual facility, he wouldn't be able to screw around. But he would be with me! And I know him too well! Somehow I feel like I'm going to get the brunt of this. Shouldn't I be writing up some kind of contract (and what kind?), or wouldn't that matter anyway, unless it was done by an attorney? And what consequences would he even have to worry about if he didn't come forth with the amount stated in the contract? He lives in a different state, where my mom was too until she came to my state. I don't want mom in an nh, but I need some security before deciding to do 24/7 home care. I have healthcare POA, but wouldn't his financial POA status override that? I'm sure everyone will say 'go to an elder care atty.' but I have limited funds! This whole thing makes me furious, since I'm the one who would be doing most of the work and I sure don't need all this extra hassle!
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perhaps he will agree to keep her near you. I can tell you from experience that having my Mom in a NH has taken a great load off my mind and shoulders, but I am still actively overseeing her care. One thing to keep foremost in your mind as you go through this placement process, is to be very careful not to sign any documents on behalf of your mother as you do not have DPOA, because you do not want to end up personally financially responsible for your mother's debts if/when money runs out. If your Bro wants to keep the DPOA then he is going to have to step up and be present to sign all the documents for her placement in a facility. As for him having the DPOA, he needs to be very careful and keep accurate records of where her money is being spent. He will not have the excuse of needing to hold onto her money for "all her bills", since the facility will eat up the majority of it and whatever is left over will be for her personal needs only. The best scenario might be if he turns over the financial POA to you, and then he does not have to worry about any major responsibilities. If you do get it, be sure you always sign POA after your name on any documents you need to sign on behalf of your Mom. Last little brainstorm - you probably qualify for free legal aide in your state. If I were in your place, I would check with the county legal aide services and speak to an Elder Law attorney ASAP.
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Can you calmly discuss with him what plan he thinks would work? Try to talk to him as a member of the "taking care of Mom" team. You both share the same goal. (Ideally, at least.) How much money is there available for her care? Can she get by with a little less HHC? Will he pay the aide or agency himself? Then he can't "screw around" with them.
I think a contract or at least a written plan is a good idea. You can write up all the expenses that you will be in charge of, like food, rent, and Depends, so he will understand what you need from him to take care of her. Not to give to him, but for yourself, you should write up a budget for yourself, so that you can say, "I have $17 dollars a month that I can contribute to her spending money, but the rest of my income goes to fixed expenses." If you know your own bottom line, then it will be easier to stick to it.
This won't be easy. Good luck to you.