How do I know if a personal care home/assisted living can take care of my loved one or if a nursing home is the better option?

@gsw92498 -- When Mom started falling and I was unable to pick her up and had to call paramedics, I knew her level of need was beyond my capacity. I sent an email to my siblings and gave them options. We moved her to an assisted living place, sold her home, and then after nearly 2 years at the ALF, moved her to a NH.

I'm at that crossroad. MOM is falling and is weak but nothing seems to really wrong with her when I take her to the doctor. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I have been avoiding nursing homes but I don't know if it'll be any better if I'm always there. I have someone who comes in and amazingly Mom never falls when she's here. They wonder what the big fuss is all about.

I cared for my dad in my home for 5 years before he had to go into a nursing home. We thought it would be temporary, for rehab, but he never improved and began to decline. I found that the caregiving didn't stop. We have to continue to advocate on behalf of our loved ones while they're in nursing homes, assisted living, or whatever. I learned that no one could or would take better care of my dad than I so there was a lot I had to let go of and not make a fuss over. I definitely had to pick my battles with the staff and decide what was important enough to make issue of and what wasn't. The staff not helping my dad with his hearing aid batteries was something I had to let go of and fight, instead, to make sure he got his shower when he was supposed to. I had to realize that my dad was not their only patient and if I made a nuisance out of myself it could bounce back and hurt my dad. Sad but true. So I was very mindful of this.

No place is perfect. All are short-handed and they'll never care for our loved ones like we have but we need to be 100% involved in their care even after they make the transition into a facility. Advocating for my dad while he was in the nursing home, taking care of his financial stuff and insurance stuff and making sure he was cared for and all the things that go along with having a loved one in a facility was a full-time job and I found it to be more stressful than when my dad lived with me. The stress just broke me. I would walk into the facility and 3 different staff members from 3 different areas would want a sit-down with me. It would be an hour before I even got to see my dad.

Anyway, I could go on and on (I think I actually did). I know this is a smidge off topic but the above poster reminded me of all of this. Go in with your eyes open and prepare yourself to be a different kind of caregiver once your loved one is in a facility regardless of what kind of facility. My dad was with me for over 5 years, in a nursing home for 6 months and the caregiving only ended when my dad died 2 months ago. I was caring for him until the end.

You need to take a tour and visit different places, as well as speak to the Directors about what they provide. What we found is that Assisted Living places simply want your money while providing the LEAST amount of care. They'll distribute meds but will charge additional for everything else - including dressing, escorting, bathing, etc. You need to continue to be your dad's advocate no matter where you place him.