Previously my father lost his wife (my mom) to severe alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver. My father was taking on bad behavior before this happened but with the 3 mth struggle of my mom dying i had my hands full. My father is an alcoholic, abused his RX narcotics and was sitting in his own feces refusing to be cleaned up severe bed sores, refusing to eat, unable to get around, sitting on a living room couch for almost a year without moving. July 4th he ran out of narcotics and since he had previously checked himself out of 2 So Cal Va hospitals AMA he wanted to come to Wa where i am and go in to the seattle va, i knew that his driving force was his drug addiction but also was taking every chance to get him help. HE was checked into the hospital and stay for a little less than two wks, several test, several issues with his non-compliance the dr deemed him unable to make his own decisions and believes he has some kind of dementia but due to him refusing so many tests was unable to diagnose him. HE was discharged to my house only however i was not aware of what i was getting myself into when he got here. I literally HAD no idea until he was here that he required 24/7 supervision, i have to control his meds, adult protective services were involved and he was brought here with no equipment for us. no wheelchair ramp, no widened doors for bathroom, he cant get into rooms in his chair without us shoving him thru and we are going to break our door frames soon, i have 3 kids and i am a prisoner of my own home. we got a nurse into care for his wounds however he only qualifies for 14 hrs a wk of caregiver service..this doesnt give me much time to take my kids to the places they need to be each wk like school sports ect...i have no family or friends that can or will help at all. Im at a loss for what to do, he owns a home in So ca however that has been deemed unsafe for him since he needs 24/7 supervision. He smokes a ton and im trying to pick my battles with him because he is not happy but even with him sitting in our door way with candles and fans going my house stinks and my entire family is congested. I dont know what to do anymore. He refuses any thing and everything EXCEPT going to his own house in Ca to drink and take his drugs...even if i did want to send him there(which i dont) i am the only one authorized to give him his narcotics so i cant anyway...the Va seems to be sending me in circles, im on the phone all day long with several different agencies and its only been a wk....He told adult protective services that he is going to just "raise hell" till he gets out of here....she just told us to get him out but how and what am i supposed to do?
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However, I don't understand why they cannot check him into the psych ward at the VA hospital? If you can get him there (or call rescue squad if necessary), you can flatly refuse to take him home due to his 100% disability, his addictions, his mental instability, his lack of hygiene, and you consider him a danger to you and your children due to his irrational behavior. I would not back down on this for one minute. If you refuse to take him back I believe they have no choice but to admit him and when he gets violent at the hospital they will do a psych eval on him. I think this is your best bet. I believe you were railroaded into taking him but you don't have to let it stay that way. As soon as he is admitted to the hospital, I would go directly to your county legal aide services (usually free) they should have an ElderLaw unit, and find out what your rights are. If you become his guardian/conservatror/POA, you WILL be responsible for him - which you clearly do not want. I would find out if/how you can legally REMOVE YOURSELF from any responsibility for him. IMO, he paid his dues to the USA, so let the VA keep him.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's reality. Caregiving is hard enough under normal circumstances, but in your situation it is above and beyond, and definitely will get worse by the day. He needs professional facility care 24/7, so if I were in your shoes, I would focus all my energy on making that happen. Blessings and stay strong and focused!