Have any of you found yourself angry when the person you are caregiver to, has slipped a little more in their ability to do anything?

Yes, I get angry when competence slips. It can seem like it is almost willful, particularly because my mother is competent on one day, but not the next. Then I have to remind myself that it isn't her, it is this getting older thing. And I have to forgive myself because it wasn't me getting mad, it was the caregiving thing.

Yes, I have been feeling angry and frustrated since my mom has broken her hip last year. I get mad at her sometimes when she doesn't remember anything and I always had to repeat to her about anything. For instance, every night I put her pill in a plastic medicine bottle because she takes at least 12 pills in the AM. There are some days when I come home from work and she says to me, you forgot to put the other 4 pills in the bottle. I said, "Mom I always put all your meds in the plastic bottle the night before. Then she says, why you always argue with me. Sometime I get so angry why I have to use my 2 15 minutes breaks and my 1/2 hr lunch to take care of her things where she can do it herself from her own phone. I don't have enough time in my breaks at work just to relax or enjoy a snack or sandwich. My mom cannot walk but she can still dial the phone and talk. She gets angry whenever she doesn't have her way. It is so frustrating. I wish I still have my own apartment but I can't afford rent right now. What I found is that the more you do for your parent, I know it sounds very mean. The more they will not do things for themselves. The other night my father had to wake me up from my slumber to ask me what day it was. I yelled at him and said that I need my sleep and I am so tired. Tonight he said you are mad at me because you didn't give me my 7:30 PM pill. I didn't give it to him because I need to teach him that he is capable of getting it himself. He sometimes acts as if he cannot remember. It is a ploy.

"Have any of you found yourself angry when the person you are caregiver to, has slipped a little more in their ability to do anything?"

The short answer is, "Yes. Definitely."

I don't like those feelings, but I do get frustrated and even though I repeat over and over, "It is the disease...It is the disease..." I still have the feelings. I have never acted on those feelings other than perhaps a patronizing tone in my voice, but I recently contacted the Alz.org Helpline and now, that's who I turn to when I need someone to talk me down off the ceiling. And here, of course.

Just know that it is normal and you are among friends here. You'll be in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing so that we all know how normal these feelings are.

Do you want him to do his own meds? Without more information about your husband's condition, I can only offer what I have experienced with my father and my father in law.

Both of them wanted to continue managing their meds (something they can continue to control) but invariably they would forget to take them or take the wrong day because they couldn't keep track of time or day. Worse, they thought they had not taken them and took a double dose.

Each had a sheet of paper and a timer to remind them of the established schedule. Unfortunately, dementia is a degenerative disease that affects the executive function of the brain - the decision making area. It is not that they do not want to do this correctly but they cannot remember how to.

Not sure what meds are being taken but it may be you have to step up and perform this task. If you work outside the home, maybe the doctor can prescribe dosages that can be given when you are home.

As far as what is to come, I recommend attending an Alzheimer's Support Group and learn everything you can about dementia. This site also has many people who have blazed the caregiver path successfully. They provide insight to the future and steps to handle it. You are not alone!

It sounds like your husband may be having difficulty in remembering sequences of instruction. I wrote down steps for my late father on how to use the remote, the radio, and other electronics. They were helpful (if he could remember where they were !)

Hang in there and continually pray for strength, wisdom, and patience. This is territory none of us have experienced before!

Onlygirl13

Yes, of course you are scared and your anger sounds like a natural response to what you are facing. I care for my elderly mother and my anger comes and goes depending on my decreasing energy level and her increasing needs. I think if I was facing this with my own husband I would be also very angry and afraid of losing the person who has been MY strength and friend when I needed him. Try not to hang on to the guilt. Anger is a normal result of hurting or fear. I said a prayer for you.