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M
merrtell Asked August 2013

Assisted living and my resistant mother. Any ideas?

My mother is 82, has dementia, and lives with me. I have had her in my home about 1 1/2 yrs and cannot do it any longer. I have found a wonderful assisted living for her. It is perfect for her as they do meds, monitor, three meals a day, etc. The problem is when I inform her she has to go there (because she cannot live on her own in any way shape or form) she will throw a huge fit, as she does when she doesn't like what you say, and say no. Help. Any ideas? She also has OCD so she will obsess over this until I get her in it, so i have to move fast. Thanks for any suggestions or insight.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Aug 2013
Does your mom have any friends who are in AL and liking it? If so, ask them to talk with her.

Otherwise, you may have to just bite the bullet and say it will be done. I'd ask the assisted living social worker what she would suggest. Whatever you do, she will complain and fight it, so be prepared and don't show any weak spots.
Good luck,
Carol

CCHilliard Aug 2013
You can consider a respite stay. Respite stays are a great "test drive" to see how she will react and if it is a good fit for her. You can sell it to her as a temporary stay to "just give it a try" in her mind a temporary stay is easier than something that will be permanent. Many times seniors have a vision in their head of the "old" nursing homes that they would visit their grandparents in. Once they see the homelike environment and start to meet people, many residents choose to stay. Getting there is the biggest hurdle.

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