How do you handle the stress of not knowing when the passing of your mother will happen but you know it's going to be soon?

my own mother slowly declined in the nursing home....sleeping more...not eating, drinking just a little....the nurses showed me some signs on her skin....mottling...one night they said to me...go home, she'll be ok...I didn't, I had a feeling, and my mother did not want to die alone...I stayed, she died in my arms....I was blessed as was she...you don't know, you can't plan your life around her, but you can make plans for her death, funeral....if you can arrange some things I think it is less stressful, you can't know the time, it is not morbid how you feel...give yourself some quietness...be gentle with yourself....and stay committed to your mother

When I was dealing with my father's illness, it helped me to tell myself it was in God's hands. I am not a religious person, but it still helped me. Maybe it was because it reminded me that there was nothing I could do and to just take things as they come. It is peaceful to put aside the worry and stress and remind ourselves that it is in God's hands.

After years of support for dad, sleeping at hospitals and weeks of hospice vigil, I took a break to run to Walmart for items for him and mom. That is when he passed. I felt so guilty. Mom was there and did not notice. The hospice worker called me, I ran home, he had just taken a sigh and was gone. We had said our goodbyes a few days prior. I still feel guilty.

i even wrote checks for the preacher and singers. they misunderstood me completely. i was paying them to shut the hell up..

i just spent my mothers last 8 months with her. just her and i and the occasional hospiss visitor. the entire 8 months was a constant grieving process. when she passed away i felt relief that the mental and physical decline had ended for her. the elders illness wears you down. its going to take time to get my own emotional health back. i think my grieving ended when mom was rendered unconcience by drugs. that was my closure. i spoke to her a few times before she died but as far as i was concerned she was gone when they knocked her out.
my family went to a singing, preaching hoedown kind of funeral then attended another service in the graveyard chapel then another at the graveside. wth is so hard to comprehend about " departed " ?
anyway i think youll be at peace when shes gone but youll sure miss her.

Macada, thats what happened to us; we left my dad to grab a bite to eat upstairs and within about 15 min he passed while with the nurse. I know thats what he wanted. My friend's husband did the same; she and her family were by his side 24/7. The nurse encourage her to go home, shower and come back and he passed by the time she got home. She also was convinced he didn't want her and the children witness his last breath. So I think you are right in many circumstances.

Your thoughts and fears are very honest and understandable. I think one thing you could say to your mum when the time is right.. is that she has your permission "to go" when she wants to, she does not need to hang on for anyone. Also, a friend of mine who is a social worker at hospice told me that quite often our loved ones will wait until they are alone to die, because for some people dying is a very personal thing.

its not morbid to feel the way that you do. You've likely been in the grieving process for quite some time and just have mixed feelings. You feel guilty for not spending all your time with her, yet realistically you know that she is leaving you. Don't feel guilty, the most compassionate thing you can do is spend what time you can (quality, not hours) and tell her how much you love her, that YOU WILL BE OKAY and its okay for her to go when she is ready.

When my dad was passing, he ate less and less (similar to just 1/2 cookie and few sips of liquid a day) in the last 4-5 days. He spent more and more time sleeping (he was bedridden at the time). When he was concious, we were by his side as much as possible and reassured him that everything was in order, we loved him and had had a good life and it was okay for him to go. There were other signs as the time drew closer and hospice and nurses kept us informed and verified the signs his body was shutting down.

This may not be of much comfort; I was very anxious and scared to go thru it; but it was peaceful and for many weeks prior I prayed he would just pass away peacefully so he would not longer have to suffer and we wouldn't have to suffer anymore either.

Keep the faith; do what you can when you are present and take peace in knowing you aren't in control and it is in God's hands for the timing.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. From my experience, they let you know when they're ready to leave. They may wave away any help or just stop eating/drinking at all. They may even verbalize that they want to go now. A woman I know that works hospice says that those that passed before them and love them come to get them. I believe this is true. My mother had Alzheimer's and once she had a stroke, she could no longer eat or drink. She could not do anything, she was paralyzed on her left side. Shortly before she passed, she sat up in bed looking at something or someone that nobody else could see. She could not sit up, so I am still certain that her will to see those that were coming to get her gave her the ability to sit up. For me, the belief that she truly was finally free of all her earthly afflictions helped me to be happy for her. Of course I missed her, but I knew she would not have wanted to go on living like that. Bless you. I know this is hard. I try to think what would I want if that were me? I would want to be allowed to leave this earth when I was ready. She knows you love her. That is what's most important.