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bigdion Asked August 2013

What's a fair price to charge my father-in-law to live with us?

He is 90 and needs a lot of aid. Mostly blind needs injections daily and is WAY over weight.

Labs4me Aug 2013
Your question tells me you have not done any research into the pro's and con's of accepting money in caring for a relative. There is definately more con's and ramifications in considering this situation. Tax issues and medicaid qualifications is only the start. I would recommend you consult with an eldercare attorney or an eldercare case manager before you accept payment for those services.

1tired Aug 2013
I also would suggest NH care if possible. My FIL moved in with us 3 years ago pays $300 per month which does not even cover the cost of his food anymore. He does not see that the cost of groceries has almost doubled in that time and he eats like a horse. He has required more and more care and it falls on me and now is refusing to wear depends so there is constant problems with that. His TV runs 16 hours a day and we can go nowhere. You can't even put a price on this stuff. The actual dollars and cents cost of keeping him here if you don't consider "rent" for the space is probably about $500. If you must do it guesstimate a bit more than you think it will be because getting a rent increase will probably be killer in a year or two.

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pamstegma Aug 2013
If you are going into this to help ends meet, you will be burned out very very quickly. Get him to a nursing home or VA if he's a veteran.

assandache7 Aug 2013
Same in the USA ... Assisted Living is not 24 hr care... He sounds like he needs a Nursing Home... But if you choose to care for him at home you should have him pay house hold utilities ... Don't have him write a check in your name, you would have to claim it on your taxes and if he needs to apply for medicaid it would be questionable on the 5 yr look back...

anonymous182580 Aug 2013
waystation49 .. I'm not sure what country you live in but I'm from Canada and up here "Assisted Living" does not provide any care unless you pay extra on a separate contract. Assisted Living is when an elderly person moves in to a small suite in a communal living facility and they go down to a dining room for meals etc. They have their laundry taken care of and their suite cleaned. They do not have any personal care, no meds given and if they fell in their suite nobody would no. A Long Term Care facility provides all of the above mentioned and unless there is government subsidy involved they are approx. $5,000 a month. I'm not sure how it works south of the border but I do know that the words "Assisted Living" are very misleading up here.

waystation49 Aug 2013
Can I suggest you don't have him move in? Unless you are a registered nurse, you are likely going to be overwhelmed fast, and lose your own sense of your own life very quickly. Extended care or assisted living is better for both your family and him.

Insurance tends to not see family "caregivers" as worthy of being paid. So, this likely will be out of his pocket.

As Power of Attorney, you can be paid, but "reasonable". I'm paid about $600-800 for full time work. My father's needs have been extensive. If that sounds like a lot, consider if i were working doing what I usually "do", my bill rate is $150 / hour. Most month's I'm not making $2/ hour.

This started out being a one-week "need", then it kept expanding. My father wasn't living with me. This was long distance support. A normal day (?) 4:30am PST to 3:30pm PST, sleep a couple hours. Get up and try to focus on something for me - even if it were just to get a shower, watch News, eat something, and then start in my computer work at about 8:30pm PST - sometimes 2am. Then sleep and get up and do it all over again - 6-7 days a week. I've learned a lot but this level of stress and no sleep has taken a toll on my health. It's also drained my savings.

My father is 93. Almost four years later, my vote is if your father has insurance, or if not can qualify for Medicaid, let him to go Assisted Living and you can visit as often as you like -- but you keep BOUNDARIES so you don' t lose your sense of self. I don't know your situation. What if your father lived to be 100, or older? How long are you willing to give up your life, your family needs, or whatever other needs you may have to be responsible for ....

Love yourself AND your father -in-law. Get him the best care possible - - and likely this may not be with you.

You mentioned his being overweight. My father weighs about 160 pounds at 5'8". It took TWO NEIGHBORS (one a nurse) to get him up off the floor last Friday when he fell after being sent home from the hospital too early.

Don't assume you can lift your FIL if he falls. And if you can - at what cost to your back?

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