What to do being a caregiver in loved ones home? Need guidance.

Dear Family Caregiver, please know that he may fall even if someone is there. You may turn your back for one minute and a fall just happens. If you become the main caregiver please hire someone to come in at least two days and give you a break. Contact your Senior Care Agency in your area and ask for information and help. If he is a veteran he may qualify for home care benefits. Does he have long term care insurance? Does he have a whole life insurance policy. These may pay for homecare. No one should have to do this on their own. Find a support group and attend. Assist at Home

Your husband needs to keep his job and keep working. You may need to quit your job if you are planning on staying home to care for him. If you have the finances to hire an in home caregiver then I would personally do that if he is willing, then you could both keep your jobs.

Listen to Ferris she has good advice.

One thing that people often fail to mention, is what does your FIL want to do? What are his plans for his long term care? Did he think "Well, I will just move in with my son."
Does your son actually want to help potty grandpa? (I can't imagine.)
Remember, an elderly patient rarely gets better and you may soon be looking at Depends and sponge baths for this gentleman.
Make certain that you realize what you are getting into. Maybe spend sometime at a nursing home and see how your FIL, might decline.
Good for your family, if you can care for him, yourselves. I wouldn't be able to.

As everyone else has said ,don't let your husband give up his job. Can you, your husband and son commit to this in the long term? If you are work out a rosta so everyone spends their fair share of time committed to FIL. If he can be left alone at night, settle him in bed and go home for the night. Make sure he has a drink and a snack and any pills he needs to take later and a TV or radio in the room. leave at least a night light on and a urinal and/or commode at the bedside. A hot drink of his choice could also be left in a thermos if he wakes early so he has something before someone gets there in the morning. Also make sure he is wearing his life alert and has a phone at the bedside.
If all this is till he fully recovers and is expected to do so it can work out and then he can return to his regular routine.
As far as the physical therapy is concerned he will need to be driven there so maybe a neighbor can be enlisted for that and reimbursed for his gas. In our area there are volunteers who will do that.
How bad was the fall? did he break something? is he expected to make a full recovery. Part of your problem is probably fear of the unknown. Realistically you will have to run his household and help with any personal care. If he or you are embarrassed one of the guys can help with the bathing.
The long term may be a different story if he will need long term care so you need to decide what he wants and how that can be worked out. Do you all get along well enough to take him into your home? Is having him go to Florida a viable alternative to live with his daughter. Would you be prepared to move him to your home? Would you move in with him and maybe rent your home for a while. Would he consider assisted living? Try not to worry about another fall, if it is going to happen it will whether he is alone or not. move all loose rugs are secure them. make sure he has a pair of well fitting slippers with non slip soles.
Lots of things to consider but as long as you can all get on well together if should work out. If it doesn't he can't stay home. Hard as that sounds it is a fact of life. Paid caregivers are the other option.

You should get professional advice to evaluate him and come up with a plan that will keep him safe and as independent as possible. The more details you consider, the easier it will be to face the changes that arise.

Look for a Geriatrician, a doctor who specializes in the care of frail elders. He can evaluate medication to reduce confusion and balance problems.

Talk to your local council on aging to find local resources. The social worker at the hospital or Visiting Nurse can direct you, or you can find a geriatric case manager.

This might be expensive, but if you get a consultation now, a one-time thing, you might be able to avoid or postpone problems in the future. Also, you will feel more sure of yourself.

Don't let your husband jeopardize his job!

Don't quit your jobs! Don't take leave from your jobs! You don't say what your FIL's medical insurance status is, but I'll assume he's on Medicare. Does he have Long Term Care Insurance? Medicare will pay for physical therapy, but probably not in his home. If he has any money to pay for in-home care until he feels stronger, you need to supplement what you are able to do for him. It doesn't sound like he needs 24/7 care and that is a plus. If he's weak and a fall risk, I don't think adult day care is the best option. He needs to stay home and get lots of rest, attention and therapy. In-home care is about $20/hr here where I live, but definitely worth it. This sounds like it would be temporary in your FIL's case and they can do housework, get his groceries, feed him, socialize and walk with him to help him get stronger. You can do this for him when you're not working, but they can fill in the days you're busy. Don't use your money for this service. Good luck and keep us posted! Prayers and hugs to you and your family.

Mom got a Life Alert, but totally refuses to push the button. For $40 a month, it is a total waste of money. Get him a housekeeper, and the prettier the better. That may sound shallow, but it works. I knew a stripper who was hired by an elderly man to clean house and he wanted he to do it in the buff.

Is your father-in-law on Medicare and did he spend time in the hospital when he had pneumonia? If he spent at least three days in the hospital as an inpatient he should qualitify for some time in a skilled nursing facility covered by Medicare. They would provide his physical therapy and hopefully help him gain his strength back. You would need to check the facilities out because some are definitely better than others.

Could you move his dad into your house and that way your husband's job won't be affected. I also think you need to have a mtg. with the sister, why should you and your husband automatically have the job of caregivers, if she doesn't wnt to participate then she should throw some money your way so you can put it towards a home caregiver to come and look after your father-in-law. If you sell your FIL house than you will have the money to pay for care, and if it is you looking after him than you should be paid! Good Luck!

Definitely do no give up your jobs! I have a friend who left her job as airline stewardess to care for her mother , ten years earlier than she wanted, and now gets very little in S.S. income. I would hire in home help if you or he has the means or if he is a Veteran there are resources from the VA that can help. You should never risk you own financial futures and don't feel guilty either---you need to care for yourselves first.

Valynn10256,
I wouldn't let my husband take a leave from his job that has not only a regular pay check but the more essential benefits like health insurance. I agree with ferris1, you never know what is in the future, don't give up everything to care for your FIL, I know this sounds a bit heartless but you have your life to think about. Let the pros come in and help with bathing and therapy for as long as he is qualified and medicare/medicaid will pay for it. My husband and I have given up our 'quality of life' to care for first his Aunt and now his Mother has to have 24/7 care. We didn't imagine what was ahead of us when we took this on and now that MIL isn't really qualified for home health care we are the only ones here to help her. We are tapped out and have no health insurance and the stress of caring for her as she thrives our health goes down hill trying to do it all.

You have asked these questions before and as I told you before you need professional help or move him into your home. Between the three of you (husband, son and yourself) you should be able to manage. Read as much as you can about caregiving frail individuals. You cannot predict, nor can you watch him every minute of every day to prevent another fall. You can keep him hydrated and fed nutritious meals so he does not develop pneumonia again.

This is a tough one. Something I wondered is what you would do for money for the present time and for your retirement if your husband leaves his job. Caregiving can go on for years and chances are your husband would not be able to work again if he quits now. Could you afford to give up his present income and also his retirement income? Taking a chance of putting yourself in poverty for the rest of your days to take care of your FIL does not seem to be a good choice when there are many other options out there. Can your father afford an assisted living community? You could spend a lot of time with him there without having to quit your jobs. Could he afford to hire a daytime caregiver? Is he well enough to go to adult daycare or a senior center during the day?

There are so many things you can do. You just have to decide which is best. Subjecting yourself to poverty is definitely not the best option. It may seem like the most caring, loving option at the moment, but caregivers also need to care for themselves. You know your situation best, so probably know what you can best afford to do.