Is it me or is it rude for a out of state siblings to give us 4 hrs notice of a visit?

I love this site. I have had sibling non help for eight years. And also treating this place, my home, like a hotel. I wasnt going to mention it because many folks on this site have problems much worse than I so after eight years of sisters taking zero responsibility and offering zero help to their brother for their mother's care I can tell you this.....learn to say NO and ditch the guilt.

emjo - problem is we just have never REALIZED HOW IMPORTANT Uncle Jerk IS - how nothing matters but what HE needs to do, what he WANTS to do at the time and how much time he can squeeze out of HIS SCHEDULE - which is not much. He is such a busy person and we just don't give him credit for how hard he is trying. Trouble is there are two definitions for 'trying' and he is the latter :0( We Texted him for an ETA - he is too busy to answer. You can sorta see how it goes and it will continue this way until his mom is gone and he has not reason whatsoever to come around again. But, mom loves him - he is her 'successful' son :0)

I remember you writing about that some time ago. I think you have named him well. Glad you enjoyed the week and had a chance to play in the yard. We all need those breaks.

This is 'nothing' compared to what he has already pulled in the past - like saying he will stay with his mom (my MIL) and then leaving her alone a few hours after we left for a respite break. Yep - he then went to Vegas. We had to come back home - since his mom was still on steroids, fresh out of the hospital with blood sugar readings in the 300's. I call him Uncle Jerk. So do my kids - and they are grown kids! No, this is nothing new - He just never ceases to amaze me at how thoughtless he really is. Yes, I have to admit I did enjoy this week that she was gone. Even though I spent the time cleaning her apt, doing her laundry, tearing up our laundry room, etc. I did get a chance to play in the yard a while too :0) One more day of freedom. Bless all you guys and gals who are in a similar BOAT.

It is not you - your sib is being inconsiderate. I say "Yippee" too.

Get ready. Rude behavior will be the norm for family because they don't have a clue, nor do they want to have a clue. I learned quickly that I had to tell family I was not a free hotel, maid and cook whenever "they" decide to visit Mom. Think you have a loving family that will volunteer to help you care for Mom... I thought so too. I was wrong! Don't expect anything from your family, it will save you a few tears. I hate to sound so negative, but just want to prepare you. Good Luck.

Get ready. Rude behavior will be the norm for family because they don't have a clue, nor do they want to have a clue. I learned quickly that I had to tell family I was not a free hotel, maid and cook whenever "they" decide to visit Mom. Think you have a loving family that will volunteer to help you care for Mom... I thought so too. I was wrong! Don't expect anything from your family, it will save you a few tears. I hate to sound so negative, but just want to prepare you. Good Luck.

Yes it is very rude of your brother (sibling) to only give you 4 hours notice of a visit and it is okay for you to say yippee that he's not stopping now. Your brother obviously hasn't ever been a full-time caregiver and doesnt realize how taxing both mentally and physically it is on the caregiver. If your caregiving is anything like mine was - your vaca was when she went into rehab - not a "real" vaca. But in the meantime your brother gets to go on a "real" vaca instead of remodeling the home. Don't beat yourself up - you're probably exhausted and probably already a little frustrated with your brother anyway before he pulled this on you. So give yourself a hug and tell yourself you're doing a great job! Good luck!!!