Mom is 82. Parkinsons/blind/can no longer walk. She used to be able to walk with a lot of help so she could at least get to the toilet. She and my nephew caregiver fell while he was trying to help her to toilet. Nephew hurt his back trying to keep mom from falling. She does not want to go to nursing home. She wants to come live with me here in Texas (she's in Calif.) My husband is 66, I am 59 income is VA benefits & my SSDI. We rent, our lease is valid until 2015. My sister, husband & nephew have been caring for her. She lives with my brother who works full time. Now my nephew has started college and can no longer "baby sit" mom. She cannot be left alone. I feel so guilty saying this, but the level of care she now needs getting out of reach for us. The wheel chair offers ability to move, but now her sight is gone. Taking her meds require someone giving them to her, same with meals. Access to the bathrooms here is impossible, since she can no longer assist. This is overwhelming. HELP!
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Guilt is when we do something wrong or bad when we know we should have done something right or good. Remorse is when we wish we could have done things differently -- but couldn't. Chesshirekitti, you're feeling remorseful that you can't do more, especially since you're so far away.
I'm caring for my 92-year-old mom in our home now. She's in Stage 6 Alzheimer's, is blind in one eye, nearly deaf and can barely walk. She's very sweet and we love caring for her, but my husband and I have committed to take care of her until only she requires lifting.
You and her other loved ones have already crossed your threshold. The best thing to do for her now is to find professional care ... and, yes, that is most likely a nursing home. Find one that accepts Medicaid, either in California or Texas, and file for Medicaid. Do the very best you can, and you'll have no reason to feel guilty. Hugs!
If I had it to do over again, when she broke her hip, I would have encouraged her to go to an assisted living facility. While I have been responsible for her well being for all of the time she has been with me, these last 5 years have been the most difficult as her health and mental status have declined (95 years). I haven't been able to enjoy that mother-daughter relationship for many years and while I could be wrong, I believe that if she had been in AL I would have been able to relate to her in a totally different way. Taken her out to eat, taken her little gifts, helped her with her personal needs like cutting her hair, nails etc. Now I spend all my time worrying about everything that concerns her needs. Everything. So all the stuff that I'd like to do I'm either to tired or my attitude stinks (I hate that in myself). Our social life is limited to ourselves and church, phone calls with relatives and friends (hi how ya doing, what's up with you ...everything is the same here, day in, day out). The point is, if it can be worked out, your relationship "might" be better if she is in a place where there are people her own age that she can interact with. By the way, my Mom has gotten so deaf, yelling in her ear doesn't even help anymore and she is so blind that she can not even see large print with reading glasses and a magnifying glass. So she is lonely and I'm unable to even talk to her.
Wishing you the best.