excuse the way all this is typed im jst so hurt upset .the past week I hadn't phoned my mom I was dealing with my own med. issues .I called her dr. to make appointment she was due I got a very cold response ,I jst let it go ,called my mom to let her know adt appointment. when she told me she had called dr office to see if she had a appointment they told her no(which is wayyy out of the ordinary for her I have to do everything for her) they asked her she sz what was the problem so she sd she had to tell them she fell and her leg was all black. I couldn't believe it because im the one she call right away for the littlest thing ,she sd the dr sent over a social worker to see what was goinh on at the house and the social worker made a report ,then a doctor came to the house she sz he told her her leg was broken ???? but she was not sent to hosp.or any other med. treatment and he told her her heart was not good I asked if he did a ekg no jst listened to her heart ??? but jst last month I took her to her cardio he did the relax stress test with pix he sd her heart was great. I was so upset I asked why didn't she call me abt her fall she sz oh I did ,I explained I have been home due to my med. issue plus if I hadn't been home I have answer machine,she has my cell number ,I have caller id no calls from privet caller showed no my phone and plus she could have tried back .we she didn't respond other then to tell me I could have called her and aske mama how are u mamma what is going on (ok its my fault as usual) not only all that my daughter lives in the same house granted they don't talk due to grandma wanting to control my daughters life at 43 yrs old but that's a whole other issue.i want to call dr and see what is going on but I don't know if I should call social worker ,my daughter found card today .I jst cant understand why my mother would do this ,ive been there for her all these years regardless how she has treated me and one week that I don't contact her she goes this far when I was not even aware of what had happened to her. I call social worker will they even talk to me because my mom stated they would not speak to anyone till they have there findings. what I don't have the opportunity to say anything. I jst feel how could my own mother do this to me and make be out to be so terrible, been dealing with her my whole life as a child her physical abuse,verbal abuse even now as an adult (she hates me she wished she never had me she cant stand me get out of her house ) this is all afer drs. appointments grocery shopping taking her out for lunch. I have and half brother and half sister my brother sz better me than him my sister hasent had contact well over 13 ysr,we all received the same thing growing up from her even through my brother wasn't hit like my sister and myself. ive been reading anout narcissism it describes my mother to a T,no one escaped not even my father towards the last part of his life she tricked him into signing over the house to her they she had him living in his truck he couldn't go into the house even to use the restroom he had a bucket in the back of garage,it was winter,summer didn't matter he live in his truck. then I had to put him in a assisted living she didn't want him on her property (I was supposto be his loving daughter but I didn't do anything I have to live with it ) Drs tell me to distance my self from her but she has a hold on me I cant if I don't stay who will she have. but now this how can I defend myself no one is neglecting her or abuseing her.
27 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
ADVERTISEMENT
It sounds like your mom lives alone and I was surprised about that. I also sounds like she is so dependent on you that you receive all of her harsh judgement. I relate totally. My mom has depended on me for absolutely everything except her personal utilities, for 9 years. I am the nurse, housekeeper, cook, mechanic, handyman, gardener, driver, appointment setter, banker, you name it..... and I do it ALL WRONG! We can't have one day without her fussing or making some dig at me.
You mom sounds like a worrier like mine. She thinks she has to double check everything --- was the doctor appointment made, is this on the shopping list, when do I take my next pill?
When we finally got some services, it took some of the burden off me. For awhile, we had a visiting nurse but now that's not necessary so we have Comfort Keepers companion care. They bathe her and keep her company while I'm in class. I've even stepped out of her comfort zone and taken a day for BINGO. Does me great and now even mom likes to wish me luck and ask me how much I won when I get home. She usually hates for me to leave the house and always reminds me to bring my phone. Then she wants me to call her every hour so she knows I'm still alive.
The best advice I can give you is to get services. Does your mom cook or does she need Meals on Wheels? When you make doctor appointments, reassure her that everything is all set. Read her mail and bank statements to her. Let her know that all bills are paid. Every morning at breakfast, I go over the weeks calendar with mom. We go over same days again and again because she forgets. If she has to fast for blood work, I remind her two days before and then the day before three times and then before bed. She needs this reassurance and I'm on top of it.
You asked if a social work will speak with you. If you are named in your mom's complaint the social MUST talk to you. He/she will want to interview you. Just tell how your mom behaves and if you have a journal, it will carry weight for your side.
Hope that helps you. God bless. Take Care.
As I walked out to her car with her, the nurse told me they get this a LOT with elderly people who are being cared for by their kids. She said they do it to outsiders as well. They just want to have a pity party, have someone feel sorry for them. Still, I encouraged the nurse to call in the proper authorities if she believed any of what my mom told her. She said no, because she knew from her medical records that my mom sees her doc regularly and has home health care people coming in periodically. There were no signs of abuse or neglect, and she knew from the ambulance records that since the daughters took over caring for my folks they rarely needed to call for lift assistance anymore.
Reading your story about what your mother alleges, I know for a FACT that if she had broken her leg, she'd have been taken to the hospital. Even if she fell and bruised her leg badly, you'd still be able to see the bruises after a week. If the social worker believes there is neglect, she'll be sure to call you and interview you. Worst case, they'll put your mother in a nursing home for her own protection. But you have your phone records and your daughter's testimony to back up your story, so don't worry about being accused of anything. The social workers see this all the time with the elderly.
See All Answers