If you are caring for them both at home (theirs or yours) it's time to get help. Hiring in-home care may help, but looking for nursing home care is likely your best option. We all have limits on what we can do, and it looks like you've done more than most people could. Please look for help from agencies that care for elders in this condition. You will still be a caregiver and an advocate. You will just be adding help - good for them and good for you. Take care, Carol
Went through something similar several years ago. My wife and I cared for both parents in my home in addition to having two college age children. It was the most stressful time of my life even though I am an experienced community health Nurse. Hire private aide from licensed agency.
If either one of your parents is a veteran, sign them up at the nearest VA clinic for medical care. With this free or cheap care (depends on whether illness is service related) comes respite care and personal care several times a week depending on needs. Also, they provide veterans with durable equipment such as customized wheelchairs, Hoyer lifts, hospital beds, etc. Medication is either free or reduced greatly too. They will even send meds in the mail for you. All you need is their discharge papers, DD214, and some ID for them. Even if you can only get help for one of them, the emotional, physical, and financial burden will be easier on you.
If they aren't veterans or even if they are, contact your Area Agency on Aging office and get a case worker for each one of them. They can help them get Medicaid, SSI, transportation to and from appointments, physical therapy, etc. They can help you find the right NH if that is your decision.
Mainly, get some help. Two people is extremely stressful. At one time, I had my husband who has dementia, my sister who just had a stroke, and her husband who had a rare form of MD. Since then BIL has died from complications, sister has recovered 75% of mobility, and husband has kept deteriorating. Hubby is a vet and gets stuff from VA. The local VA clinic is wonderful. I had always heard the opposite and delayed contacting them. Wish I had contacted them earlier, because I spent a lot of money on home care that I could have had for free from VA.
It's difficult to know what you're asking without more details. I'm sure there are many on here who could be very helpful, but this is too open-ended a question. Could you be more specific?
Bless your heart for caring for both of your parents at the same time. I can't imagine a more overwhelming situation than that. I hope you enlist the assistance of paid caregivers or perhaps a nursing facility. Taking care of one parent at a time is overwhelming, taking care of both might endanger your physical and mental health.
Is Hospice involved? They offer more than end of life care. Please call them. Also, contact an agency like Home Instead for respite and additional support.
The word "overwhelming" in itself describes so much of what is going on. To me, it means you definitely need assistance in one form or another. Either, in home health care professionals, or placement in a facility. Most of us think of placement in a facility as a last resort; but often it can be the best choice. Especially if it is in a quality facility that you have visited and approved. With the implications of dementia and now oxygen involved: assistance is necessary.
If you don't know where to start - then call elder services in the town and they can direct you to the proper individuals to assist you in your needs. And they have available therapists to help we caregivers deal with the stress, exhaustion and guilt involved in being the primary care giver and primary decision maker.
Don't go it alone when there is help out there. I resisted therapy which I desperately needed while taking care of 2 aging parents alone. But, they convinced me to take advantage of all services. This is a long road, but it can be paved with wonderful people who possess the credentials to lead us through this passage of life. Hugs to you and hope you can get some assistance, in one form or another.
By all means get some outside skilled care help as suggested before you reach your breaking point. This would be overwhelming for anyone and you know that the situation and care needs will only escalate.
If something happens to you, or you get sick, it will be easier if they already have the assistance in place.
Contact your center for aging or local senior center and meet with a counselor or director to help you navigate your options.
I too have to agree that you either hire in home care or place them both in a facility where they can care for them for you. As children we feel guilty in doing this because they cared for us, but in a situation like this when you have both parents who are ill and you are probably not 30, I just do not see realistically how you can do this on your own.
There was a statistic posted on this site one day that said "30% of all Caregivers die before the person/family member they are caring for." I was shocked by this but the stress that this job puts on everyone is overwhelming!
God Bless You All! Do not feel guilty, you are doing this to give them the best care you can and you realize you cannot do that alone!
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Take care,
Carol
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Nurse. Hire private aide from licensed agency.
If they aren't veterans or even if they are, contact your Area Agency on Aging office and get a case worker for each one of them. They can help them get Medicaid, SSI, transportation to and from appointments, physical therapy, etc. They can help you find the right NH if that is your decision.
Mainly, get some help. Two people is extremely stressful. At one time, I had my husband who has dementia, my sister who just had a stroke, and her husband who had a rare form of MD. Since then BIL has died from complications, sister has recovered 75% of mobility, and husband has kept deteriorating. Hubby is a vet and gets stuff from VA. The local VA clinic is wonderful. I had always heard the opposite and delayed contacting them. Wish I had contacted them earlier, because I spent a lot of money on home care that I could have had for free from VA.
If you don't know where to start - then call elder services in the town and they can direct you to the proper individuals to assist you in your needs. And they have available therapists to help we caregivers deal with the stress, exhaustion and guilt involved in being the primary care giver and primary decision maker.
Don't go it alone when there is help out there. I resisted therapy which I desperately needed while taking care of 2 aging parents alone. But, they convinced me to take advantage of all services. This is a long road, but it can be paved with wonderful people who possess the credentials to lead us through this passage of life. Hugs to you and hope you can get some assistance, in one form or another.
If something happens to you, or you get sick, it will be easier if they already have the assistance in place.
Contact your center for aging or local senior center and meet with a counselor or director to help you navigate your options.
There was a statistic posted on this site one day that said "30% of all Caregivers die before the person/family member they are caring for." I was shocked by this but the stress that this job puts on everyone is overwhelming!
God Bless You All! Do not feel guilty, you are doing this to give them the best care you can and you realize you cannot do that alone!
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