I found out the CNA we (my POA brother & I) hired secretly texted him asking for money for clothes, saying "mom looks shabby."

Kudos to you Rosebud, for your intention to see an ElderLaw attorney. BTW, if you are the one doing all the work, it would make sense for you to be both the Medical and Financial POA and the lawyer will surely explain how you can make that happen. It is a huge responsibility, but far easier than struggling to get a dime out of an absentee and disinterested Financial POA rep such as your Brother. We all deserve to be paid just like anyone else for our time and efforts, but at the very least be reimbursed for every dime we lay out of our own pockets for elder care needs. You should also discuss this with the lawyer. Please keep us posted and let us know how things progress!

Thanks so much to those that responded to my post regarding the CNA's "underhanded" behavior. (And just to clarify for orangeblossom, it was the older of the CNA's, the mom) who showed up the first three days of working for me wearing the same dingy t~shirt. I don't wear fancy clothes myself, but it did seem just a wee bit weird that someone in a healthcare job would wear the same clothes three days in a row! Should we assume that she took them off, bathed, and then put them on again? hmmmmmm....... Anyway, they actually WERE pretty good with my mother as far as getting along (aren't all scammers? )
but no to the question of were they hired thru an agency. No, she, the younger one, was working at a rehab my mom had to go to for a few weeks a few months ago, and she seemed nice enough, so when it became obvious that we were going to need extra help, she said "absolutely! we'd love to help you!" I was glad, but the red flag i should have noticed right away was that she then said "just don't tell the hospital that I'm working for you on the outside." I didn't think much of it, because I was only glad to have found someone that I thought could work out well. But looking back, with 20/20 hindsight, anyone that would scam their employer like that couldn't be completely honest. The other point you made o.b. was that my brother should be paying me just like he was paying them! Thank you! I've been trying to get all involved to agree with that ~ he thinks I'm full of you know what, and when i once said to the one CNA, why should he be paying only you folks when I'm doing the same thing half the time? She said, "it's called sacrifice. Besides, she's not MY mom." I have no idea how to get him to pay me anything, but frankly I don't feel like i need to be paid. I'm just wondering where all the 'salary' they (the now fired CNA's) were getting (almost 2000 a month) is going! (It's from out of my moms SS). I don't trust my brother either, who himself is a weasel POA, (I'm the healthcare POA) which is why I decided that I'm calling an elder
care attorney tomorrow morning (today being a holiday). Enough is enough. I need help! There's so much more to it, but this post is long enough already. Thanks again to all who responded ~ I don't know what I would do without this website! Hugs to everyone.......

I'm a little confused. Who was wearing a dingy T-shirt and hadn't bathed in 3 days? The CNA daughter, CNA mother, or your mother?? Where do you and your brother live? Why should the hired caregivers go out and buy clothes for your Mom? Why can't they ask you or your brother to buy her clothes if she needs them? I hope you are going through an agency and not hiring privately. I do not think it is ethical for them to ask for money at all. Can you go through her closet and weed out all the shabby stuff and then supplement with enough new garments to last at least 2 weeks (assuming somebody has laundry duty)? Also, if he is POA, why are you responsible for the caregiving? He should be paying you just like he pays them. If not, I would tell him to come and take care of her himself if he is so dissatisfied with what you are doing. How is it you can fire anyone if you are not POA? Sorry to fire so many questions at you, but the storyline is just not really clear (either that, or I'm a little dense!). Honestly, you and your Brother need to have a meeting of the minds and put your differences aside for the best interests of your mother. You could be working as a team instead of at cross-purposes. If it is just the 2 of you, why not amend the POA to either make you joint POA's or make you the successor if your Brother decides he wants out? By the way, it would make sense to have the same arrangement on Medical and Financial POA's. So please tell us more details so we can better assist you.

P.S. What these ladies did is HIGHLY unethical and should be reported! Sounds like a SCAM to me ! Sorry.... I am both a caregiver for my mom and hire aides when I need a break, so I have experience on both sides, with NO tolerance for this type of nonsense and lack of care. ;-)

So glad you fired both of them as it sounds as though your mom's best interests were not being served. In addition to which, they should both be reported to the State board of nursing, where they are licensed. Her CARE is first and foremost. If she did appear "shabby", it is their job to comb her hair, etc. My mom's aid would have bought her something pretty and by all means I would have reimbursed her. Maya Angelou said it best, "When people show you who they really are, believe them."

Did you hire these caregivers through an agency? Place a complaint. If you hired them directly, tell them you know about the text and that such is inappropriate. Does your brother handle your Mom's finances? Why would they not go to you since you seem to be in closer proximity? You need to tell them that if they see a need for your mother, they need to go to you. Period. Sounds to me you may need NEW caregivers.

I forgot to add that I fired her!