Mom with early stage dementia accused my nanny who's been with us for years of having sex with my 90 year old father. What now?

My experience with my mother dx with Alzheimer's is that she became aggressive either physically or verbally with accusations is when she had a UTI. Have her checked for infection. Arguing with her about the truth of the accusation is a no win. You are only going to make her upset, scared or angry. Most dementia patients do not drink enough water & therefore tend to get UTIs and other infections. Personal hygiene reduces the more severe the dementia gets. You will need a caregiver soon that can physically help your mother in & out of a bath & other things as they forget how to do simple things such as washing their privates, dressing properly (multiple pairs of underwear or none at all) and other regular daily things that she can do, just not mentally thinking about doing. The automatic of good habits fade away. Just imagine having a large 2-yr old. Have you thought about an assisted living facility? As long as your mom is ambulatory she could live there. Many allow the spouse to stay right with them too. There are activities & other things going on to help stimulate her mind. Just something to think about and start researching so you aren't caught unprepared.

I agree with StandingAlone. Tell mom that you can't fire the nanny without proof and give her a camera. She may be projecting something she saw on TV or something that she remembers from long ago onto the current situation. Each time she brings it up, remind her that you need the pictures and then change the subject.

Is your mom saying she's a witness to this? I mean, how does she know? I wouldn't put a whole lot of stock into this...give her a camera and tell her to take pictures next time, or a cam corder, and tell her to tape it... then you'll know... No video, no sex, right? And who's giving this 90 year old stud his viagra?

The nanny has been around for years, you say? Any whispers of wrong doing all that time? Or is this something new...?

End the 78 year old nanny care and get appropriate care for your parents.

mom needs 24/7 but dad does not. the nanny is an active 78 years old and she is there to keep her company and i am trying to get a 24/7 help for her. meanwhile, how should i handle her crazy thoughts towards dad and nanny!!

Well, is it true? Who cares for your parents when nanny is not around? Sounds like they may need to have 24/7 caregivers (not one who is 78 and soon in need of her own caregiver!!) or be placed in an ALF or NH.