Need help arranging post operation care for FIL after open heart surgery.

@CarolLynn - sorry I responded to your 2nd post (honestly at the time I thought it was a bit odd since your previous ones have been more detailed :-) I'm responding via my tablet and I'm still learning how to use this thing. Sorry for the confusion.

juli - I'm sorry, did you skip over my post? The Dr usually decides "when" the patient can be released but they have to be released to a safe environment. If the doctor says he needs care and no one can be at home to do that, its not a safe environment. First and NOW, contact the social worker, tell her what the doctor said, and that no one can be there to help him. That the family would like him discharged to a nursing home to get his strength back. The social worker should interface with the discharge case manager. Again, be sure to explain that your FIL what is and it is the caretaker of your MIL, and that you have made arrangements for her but you can't afford arrangements for both. Usually Medicare will only cover nursing homes following a hospital stay so don't take him out thinking you can get him in the other place. You need to ask his medical team for cooperation in his care.

Can I contact them now or do I wait until they come in to discuss discharge? The doctors and nurses I've spoken with don't/ can't answer? I'm a big believer that nurses are already overworked and under appreciated so I try not to push too hard or be rude. Technically I know the ones I'm seeing right now are not "in charge" of this part (one said so to me). I asked who but I haven't heard back. I'm really uncomfortable waiting until the last moment.

correction ...

but that FULL time: care is not available at home

they can't DISCHARGE A person to go home by themselves when they need more care than that

Have a meeting with the social worker at the hospital. Tell her/him what the doctor said, what you have done already because of your MIL, but that's old term care is not available at home. With help from the social worker and that discharge case manager (usually an R.N.), they should be able to place him in a nursing home for strength rehabilitation until he is ready to go home and take care of himself. You must tell them that he cared for himself and his wife and although you have taken care of her, there has never been care for him and no one in the family is able to provide what he needs. They can't just charge of person to go home by themselves when they need more care than that. That is the purpose of being transferred to a nursing home directly after hospitalization which is why Medicare covers it that way. The Dr is being overly optimistic and its not fully aware of your capabilities of caring for your FIL. He seems to have already made up his mind of what he'd like to do, now you need to consult with the discharge specialists and get your cards on the table.