What to do when father-in-law says inappropriate things?

My dad has angry, nasty dementia. He has been in a fabulous nursing home for the last two years. He no longer walks, has to be fed etc....but about a year ago, when he was still somewhat mobile, he made very inappropriate comments to one of the nurses. He has done this again, a few months ago. I was told by the psych doctor that with dementia patients, their inhibition is something completely lost, they do not have a sense of right or wrong. So they have to tell him, "that was inappropriate and you may not speak to people that way." When I told him a day or two later what he had said, he had no idea he said it and was horrified. So I do think this stepfather should be tested for dementia (there are so many different levels of it), and also, a few of you should sit him down shortly after making one of these comments and politely say to his face that he may not talk to you that way; it is totally inappropriate. He may not even remember doing it. :)

xo
-SS

Bizarre, out of character behavior can be a sign of dementia.

What he said to his stepdaughter is not something he would normally say? He was never lascivious and inappropriate before this comment?

How's his health? Has he been tested for dementia or Alzheimer's? If not, it might be a good time to do that.

If a man who was always very proper and respectful says something completely out of line to someone I would see that as a warning sign. Keep an eye on him, see if anything like this happens again. If it does, get him to the Dr. right away if not now.

I had a patient who was always very respectful and appropriate who began to show signs of forgetfulness which was totally out of his character even though he was 90. Within a couple of months his confusion grew worse and he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. He died soon after. I reported it to my superiors, noted it in the chart, and suggested to the wife he see a Dr. but she was in denial and refused to support that idea. It was only when his behavior became so polar opposite of who he was did they seek medical attention and then it was too late.

I'm not trying to scare you, just sharing an experience. But when someone's personality changes so abruptly there's usually a reason.

I knew a man who started saying inappropriate things to me after my hubby and I split up. The man became grandiose in his talk, then it would degrade to him saying sexual things to me and trying to make dates. This man had been the husband of a friend of mine who had died, so it was an uncomfortable circumstance. I thought he was just terribly lonely and maybe becoming mentally ill. It turned out that he had a rapidly evolving dementia and died a couple of months ago. I don't know what type of dementia it was, but it changed his personality completely. He went from being near normal (though obnoxious) to a NH in three years. dillarsl, I would let your FIL's doctor know what is going on with him.

Dillars, your father-in-law needs to be seen by a doctor. Or since men react differently when they have a UTI than women, he could be having that. But it does sound like he's showing signs of Alz/dementia to me, but it could be like someone else suggested, he's had a small stroke. I had the nurse at my mother-in-law's asst. living tell me once, that one of the results of dementia is what she calls, the 'no no' area of the brain. The part of the brain that tells you 'No, I can't say that' or 'No, that's not right' starts to degrade and a person says inappropriate things that they would NEVER have said before Alzheimer's. Either way, he needs to be seen by his doctor.

Wow, all those women?? Tell him that he DA MAN! Just kidding!

What everyone else said. It sounds like dementia.

I have to agree with everyone here: dementia symptoms can come out of seemingly nowhere and be a big shock to family members. That was how it worked with my parents. Take him to his internist -- or maybe do what we did: knowing that mom would be extremely resistant to seeing her MD we made an appt without her and discussed the issue.

Garza, you can always tell people " Sorry, his spanish isn't very good." LOL

LOL. or not. "You're not getting lucky tonight if you use that language!" Whenever possible, try to laugh. Sorry you're going through this.

Garza5, I'm sorry. This is so embarrassing for you.

On the other hand, this is 2013. People drop the F bomb way too often, so everyone has heard it. When I was a wee lass, no one even said Hell! This might turn out to be one of the things you can't control, so when it happens, say "Dad! Cut it out!" then smile and shrug your shoulders and look apologetic. You will feel humiliated. Most of the onlookers will be startled but secretly amused.

As an experiment, at home, ask him if he thinks you should say "$#@^" and see what he responds. Ask him if he thinks HE should say that. I think you will learn that the real him is still there, but this language comes from a part ruled by the disease. Sorry you have to deal with this.

Garza5, this is a variation on what JennyM suggested. I know caregivers who carry business-card size messages that say, "Thank you for your patience. My father has dementia." Most people are extremely understanding when they know this.

My daughter and I took my husband on one last cruise late in his dementia. We both carried the printed cards. I think we only handed out one. The staff were notified when we booked the cruise so it was only other passengers and shop keepers, etc. at ports of call who might need to be told. My husband had a very pleasant demeanor and he was generally a pleasure to have around. But with the inhibitions lowered so much by the dementia inappropriate talk or behavior was always a possibility.