What do you do when your father refuses to take your mother to the ER to be checked out? Can we override him?

Ask or keep asking your father to request for hospice service. From what I understand, they will make her last days as painless as possible as her inner organs begin to shut down. Some find it very painful when this happens and Hospice can prescribe painkillers. That's what we were trying to get when mom died. For us, hospice can only be requested by the doc. Doc has to see mom but does not do house call. Mom was tooo fragile, so very close to death's door that we just could not call an ambulance to take mom to the clinic just so that the doc looks at her and then prescribes hospice service. (Medicare has these strict guidelines.) Mom was under hospice for years. Oldest sis did not tell me that it was expiring, nor did anyone tell me that when it's expiring, we need re-request for hospice service. So, it expired.

I'm like you. I couldn't handle mom dying. I fled to work. Mom died while I was at work. Very scary situation. I totally agree.

OMG I do think they both have the DNR now I understand why. This is tooo hard. I don't want to be there and see her go without care.

Depends. Does she have DNR? Does he have medical POA over her? Is she under hospice service?

My mom was at end stage of Alz this past March. She has DNR. The last 2 times I took mom to the ER, I gave everyone copies of the DNR. The doc looked her over. Because I have no POA at all over mom, I was never allowed in the room when they examine her, nor was I ever told of her diagnosis. How did I know what she had both times? The ER discharge papers. They did not give her a room (DNR) nor gave her IV fluid (DNR) or fed her anything all day (DNR). So, family decided that the next time, we will just keep mom home. She passed away at home while we were trying to get hospice service. So it's important to know if your mom has DNR (do not resuscitate.)