My husband's taking care of his dad after surgery. His dad criticizes every task and it's wearing on my husband. Any suggestions?

btervin, it may not help, but we all go through this. It is such a huge blow to an elder's pride when they have to accept help. I doubt that your husband and his brother are doing anything wrong. It suspect it is because your FIL feels that he is losing control of his life. Often the best way to handle criticism is to let it roll off of us -- very hard to do at times. Sometimes the best way is to placate, e.g. "you are such a good dad that I want to do things for you." Sometimes the best way is to let them know their complaining is too much and walk away. We just have to play it by ear.

You husband needs to listen, and do what his father wantys, not what your husband thinks needs to be done. Do as he says, honor his father position as patriarch, and magically he will start listening to his son. Give him control, independence. Honor his wisdom, and facilitate his wishes. Ask for advice on a tricky problem you are having. He is more than his illness and age.

So he's probably really upset about his need for help. That's too bad...maybe your husband and his brother could acknowledge that to their dad and have an honest conversation about it? I know men typically don't talk about their feelings...or maybe you (or another female) could have that talk with dad, so he can get some of his frustration verbalized. It might help. Or get some female help for your Father In Law, so he'll be more accepting of the help. Sorry I can't give more ideas.

His dad was a very self sufficient man. Its only been after the surgery that he has been this way.

Get the "other family members" who didn't want him to go to rehab to help with his care. If that doesn't work, see if he can still get into rehab. If their dad is belittling and criticizing everything they do, get him help elsewhere or bring in some other folks to help. I'm assuming the dad has always been critical, or is this something new?