Mom doesn't want to go to an old age home but I cannot mentally handle caring for her anymore. How can I convince her?

You've got a lot to handle, Marlene and you are anything but selfish! Your mom needs to go to a nursing home. This time, don't bring her home after a week. It almost always takes time for people to adjust to this kind of change, so you'll have to just be matter of fact about it and tell her that things will get better as she adjusts. Once she knows she's staying, she may be fine.

She's had several moves considering that your brother also had her living with him for five months. It's rarely positive to move people with AD any more than necessary, since each time is a huge adjustment. The confusion and anxiety that accompany AD makes each change hard. You and your mom will be better off if you can place her in a good nursing home. No guilt allowed on your part. This is a move for all of you.

Take care,
Carol

More realistic, than selfish, I'd say. You need to build a support system. I would go see your local council on aging. Find out your options. Try to get your son in a group home. He might do better there. I am not being cruel. I suffered a traumatic brain injury. I didn't make real progress till I was on my own, forced to cope. You can reroute your brain, to have other parts take over the injured brains functions. Exercise is key, get him moving. concentrate on what he can do. Somehow exercise creates new pathways. I am not 100% of what I was, but i went from 30% to 85%. I couldn't read, couldn't remember anything, limited mobility. It took 5 years, but there is hope for your son.

What is it mentally you can't get your head around, your loss of freedom, your grief at seeing your mother decline? Try to pinpoint from where your angst is coming. Break it down into manageable parts. What do you do for your self? How can you carve out time to do something just for you even if its only a half hour a day. Can you get your siblings to give you respite. If each gives you a weekend a month, or even a day a month, you will be a different person.

If it is the helplessness to cure her dementia that is turning you inside out, imagine your feelings of her being the same way only unhappy, frightened and alone in a nursing home. Let go of unrealistic expectations, guilt, and pain. You are not God, you can't cure her, but you can make her happier.

Try to derive pleasure from your sacrifice. If it helps i feel you are an amazing loving woman, as my Mom would say, a good woman, her ultimate compliment. Trust me few women got the compliment, but I think you deserve it. When the time comes and you have to put her in a home, or she passes away; take comfort in the fact that you did everything you could for her. Stand tall.

When my sister went to a group home they asked for no visits for two weeks to get her to settle in. You let mom play the guilt card and you took her back after only a week. Try again, get her some anti-anxiety meds during the transition, and go on a two week vacation if you can.