How do I get back to me?

Blannie, how I wish it was that simple. Besides my mom's mental illness, she also has renal failure and I am the only one she has got. And facilities here are not great. And money is an issue.

Kitt you're taking on too much for one human being to handle! You don't owe your mom a place in your home if you also have your grandmother there as well. That's just too much! Put your mom in a facility where someone else can be accused of killing her. Not to make light of it, but it's her mental illness speaking and whoever is in her life will be a target of her anger. You simply don't deserve to live with this stress!

blannie, yes my gran is still with me as well. We went through a rough time with her last year but she seems to have stopped taking off her clothes and she has her bad moods but she smiles. My mother doesn't smile anymore. She continues to say that she knows I hate her. I had to lock the phone cos the amount of calls she was making to tell people that her life is horrible and there was no food in the house and her daughter hates her, was killing me. I have had to re-phone some people on occasions to tell them that what my mother is saying is simply not true. Today she continually told me that I hate her. It's very hard.

Kitt1980, you've done what you can. Find a good facility for your mom. Dealing with mental illness is enough but dealing with mental illness in a senior is too much for one person to handle. Save yourself and your husband and get your mom somewhere with 24/7 care. Is your grandmother still with you as well?

I guess you just have to put one foot in front of the other. I spoke to my mother yesterday and it made me literally sick. She sounded so lucid and clear, it just is so confusing. It has been one week she insists that she wants to come home. That would only end up in another catastrophy and she is killing me. I can't sleep, eat, just throwing up over it all. I know I am not alone it is heartbreaking to hear the pain of others on this site. I am going to take of myself, that is all I can do for now.

My mom is moving to Res care ina local long term NH this Friday.I am not able to deal with it full time any more.Just cannot do it!! I felt guilty at first,but I am going to dance and play music and be ME again in my own home.Got to do what it takes if you are feeling this bad.

This is so hard, and I identify with what you are saying so much. Why is her well-being more important than your own?
It will take some energy at first, but you need to round up some help, whether it's from friends, family, or social services.

Can you get some respite care? It sounds as if you need some time for yourself. If she is mobile, you might want to ask a friend to take her some place for the day so you can have peace in your home. This would be a big favor to ask of your friend, but I'll bet your friends would like to help. If this isn't possible, is there adult daycare? Or some simple activity at a senior center where you can drop her off and escape for a few hours?

Can you adopt a sleeping pattern that;s different from hers? That way you could get up a few hours earlier than she does and have some lovely time for yourself.

I know how you feel. I think you need to have as much time to be your own #1 priority as you spend making her your priority. The big problem is that there is not much help out there unless you can twist some arms.