What do you do with a parent who's an alcoholic, probably has dementia and is not taking care of his hygiene?

If he is driving drunk, you need to call the police. You do not want to deal with him hurting or killing someone.

You can't force him to get help. Most alcoholics will not get help until they hit rock bottom. His rock bottom could be getting arrested for drunk driving, and having his license suspended. It may require an even lower low than that. But you can't force him into help...even if he truly does have dementia he needs to get sober before a diagnosis.

If you can't convince him to get help because he wants to, then then law needs to step in.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. But in reply, yes, he drives drunk every day. Already know about the alcohol detox part, the problem is getting him there. I'm thinking the VA sometime later in the week since he's a vet. Either way, I'm not sure he can handle the whole detox thing. we shall see. He definitely needs help before something more serious happens. He also has bathroom control issues which he doesn't even realize (maybe I said this earlier). It's all upsetting even though I was never close with my father.

His living arrangements right now are deplorable right down to plumbing in the house.

I appreciate your reply.

If he has not been diagnosed with dementia then it's really up to him if he wants help or not. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. Have you confronted his alcoholism? Is he driving drunk? If he is driving drunk then you should be calling the police ... you do not want him to hurt himself, or worse, an innocent bystander.

If he wants help he will probably need to be admitted into a detox. Detox from alcohol can be deadly and should not be done at home, alone. It must be done in a medical setting where they can monitor for seizures and have him on a medication protocol. From there, there are many successful programs, like AA (but not only AA, there are many other programs too) that can help him to stay sober.

About the dementia, if you get him a medical examination and are truthful with them, they will not give you a diagnosis at all until he is at least 6 months sober. Alcoholism can mimic dementia. Also, alcohol has it's own dementia, known as Alcohol induced dementia, Alcohol related dementia, or Alcohol Induced Persistent Dementia. Again these would not be diagnosed until he is sober for a while. You can't tell what a person really has if they are drunk.

I wish you lots of luck. I would be happy to answer any follow up questions you have, I have a lot of experience with alcoholism, and dual diagnosis (alcoholism with a mental illness).