I take care of mom, my brother is her POA. How do I bring up finances?

It sounds as if you feel you are being very badly treated, and I can see why you would. A little more respect for you as a person and for everything you do for your mother would be nice, wouldn't it? Why not start by paying yourself the respect you're due. Draw up a timetable. Fill part of it with the tasks needed to support your mother that you think only you can do, or do best anyway. Add in sleep, and time for your own personal needs. See what time is left. Is it realistic to fit paid work into those spaces? If it is, get job-hunting. If not, show this timetable to your mother and your brother and ask them what they would advise you to change. You must feel like you're being walked all over at the moment and no past kindness or help from your mother can justify that.

I know people who have sacrificed their life to take care of their parents and have been happy to do so. But it is not right for everyone, or necessary. Obviously you are not happy with the present situation. You may not feel capable of making a change. But you have a lot of life ahead of you. In ten years, what do you want to look back to see and have no regrets about? Will you regret not taking better care of yourself or would you regret not caring for your Mom more? If you burnout, and it sounds like you might almost be there, how can you really help someone else? There are no right or wrong answers, only you can know what might be best for you, but maybe a bit of counseling can help you figure it out. And maybe you can get some assistance to help you pursue the direction in which you want to go.

I agree with the others. If felt that I was not the favorite, I would not be there. In a loving way, I say that you should get a job and move out. 50 is pretty young and you need to be building up your social security future and the ability to get medicare. Plz take care of yourself.

daughtertina, maybe a few years ago you needed to depend on your mother. It is a good thing she was there for you. And you've been there for her now that she needs help. So all of that is well and good. You could consider yourself "even." No need to feel obligated or guilty.

It is time, as JessieBelle points out, to get back on your feet and become self-supporting. Get a job. Inform your mother and your brother that you are no longer available 24/7. If Mother needs care while you are gone (and with vascular dementia I don't suppose she can be left alone all day) then brother will have to pay for a caregiver. You could offer to help hire one, if he would like that help. Or you're fine with him doing it himself if he prefers. Be very matter-of-fact about this. No anger. No accusations. You are just doing what you need to do.

If you are willing to care for Mom the other hours of the week in exchange for room and board, great. They are getting a bargain. If you are not willing or they are not willing for that arrangement, then move out as soon as you can, even if that is to a bed at the Y until you are financially a little more secure.

I would say this whether you were the favorite child or a barely tolerated step-child. Fair is fair. A parent who can afford to pay for her own care should do so. Every adult should look after their own current interests and their long-terms needs.

Don't keep slipping away. Take charge of your life!

daughtertina, you have to take care of yourself from the looks of it. In your shoes, I would be looking for a job. It is wonderful that you are taking care of your mother, but you do have to be able to pay your own bills. See if you can get your mother to give you enough money so you can buy some suitable clothes, then hit the pavement until you find a job. It doesn't have to pay a million, just enough so you can get by and build. Jobs come with insurance and SS benefits in the future, so you really do need one to take care of yourself.