How long should I let my dad stay in his own home?

You have an unfortunate, but common, situation. Change is tough - even frightening - as we age. It does sound like your dad should be in assisted living unless there's in-home care available to him now. If you keep stressing that you'll be able to visit often if he moves closer to you, maybe he'll at least consider it.

You probably can't force him to move, so try to wear him down. Sometimes people have to be frightened by a fall or something similar before they'll allow a move. That's sad and it's awful from the adult child's standpoint. I hope that your dad can be convinced of the wisdom of moving before something like that happens.
Good luck,
Carol

Sorry about the last comment...meant to start a new thread...But MIL refuses to move and we would have to have her declared incompetent. Not ready for that yet. So you may have to wait...

This is a great website to get great advice on a situation that countless others here have had as well. Have you looked through the website for this topic?

Have you spoken to your dad about your concern for him? Is moving him into an assisted living facility near you an option? That he'd be living closer to his family could be the motivation he needs however if he's been in one house for over 40 years I think you're going to have your work cut out for you. Trying to get an elderly parent into an assisted living facility or nursing home is one of if not the biggest challenge there is.

I'm sure you'll get great feedback and lots of suggestions. Good luck!

Can you set up a caregiver from his local area? Contact the Area Agency on Aging in his local area. They can advise you about local home care companies. You might want to get a geriatric care manager or some other social worker to come in and assess his situation and needs.

If you do what you can to keep him in his home safely, he'll know you respect his wishes. Then if the dreaded day comes, he may resist less.

Talk frankly about what might happen to him - falls, a stroke or heart attack. Tell him you hope that he will be just fine until the day he has a fatal heart attack in his own bed. That's what we all want. Remind him that he may NOT die from the heart attack, but be disabled, and too weak to live alone. What would he want then? Can he pay for lots of in-home care? Does he have lots of friends locally who would visit him in an ALF or NH? Has he seen what's available locally? If not, would he consent to move near you?

By the time you've had this conversation with him 5 or 10 times, he will at least be willing to discuss it. I hope.

Looking for comments...Been observing my MIL for some months now as we spend a day and night at her place each week. Noticed she vacilates between two distinct behaviors. One I would describe as flirting...She has a sweet little voice and is all lovely dovey...especially when her best friend visits or she needs to be in public like at the dr's office...The other is nasty...contrary...biting.
There seems to be nothing in between. Through the years she has kept my husband and her grandchildren at arm's length..."don't come this weekend, I have plans, etc." While telling her friends we ignore her. Needless to say, we experience the 2nd behavior most of the time. Anyone else experiencing a loved one with dementia with such a split personality?