Stubborn Dad refuses to see hearing doctor because Dr. is a man, he wants female doctors only these days. Help??

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AlMarch Asked November 2013

Stubborn Dad refuses to see hearing doctor because Dr. is a man, he wants female doctors only these days. Help??

Dad is often convinced certain doctors do not know what they are doing, and wants to be taken somewhere else. Its is more often the case that he prefers female doctors, with whom he flirts and doesn't really listen to them. We just went through a lot of work to get him to the audiology clinic for hearing aids. The only Audiologist is a male doctor, and this is within his regular multi-practice clinic. He said he is convinced the doctor 'doesn't know what he is doing', and wants me to take hi to another clinic (where there might be a female doctor). Honestly I am fed up with this, none of us can reason with him, it is a bit perverse to have to have a female doc so he can flirt, and I cannot be driving all over the county to suit his whims. He gets very ugly about it, becoming verbally abusive to me. He NEEDS hearing aids. The male audiologist is right there near his home at his regular clinic. I am so weary of the verbal abuse about this, and everything else. Help!

Family Caregiver

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score 0 · Answer 1

From Al: As stated, the ONLY audiologist in this clinic is male. We did find him a female P.A. at his regular medical clinic. We kids have jobs, so we must take turns on days off to get him to appointments. Another sibling has volunteered to get him to another clinic. Its a 3-hour drive. The V.A. has only certain office that provide hearing aids, and the closest one is so far away Dad does not wish to travel that far. We are trying, however as you can ascertain by the driving times to suit his whim, we are all pretty tired trying to suit his wishes.

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score 2 · Answer 2

When the only sex you can have is in your imagination (flirting, etc.) it's still a life-affirming activity.

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score 2 · Answer 3

You don't say how old your father is, what limitations he has other than his hearing loss. Is he a veteran? If he is, there are free hearing aids every four years, and the audiologists tend to be female (at least in Phx., AZ). So he prefers a female. I prefer a male for certain specialties, but my primary care doctor is a Romanian female who spends about 45 mins. with me. (That's why I have her and she listens to what I have to say). Maybe in his past, only the female doctors REALLY listened to him (as research is showing), and so what if he flirts. I flirt with my male spine doctor too, and it doesn't mean anything. Calm down, and let him have his way, he will get the hearing aids, and he will hear how abusive he sounds and maybe won't do it anymore.

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score 2 · Answer 4

My dad was always making Viagra jokes with doctors. I'd just sit there and roll my eyes and cringe. Must be an old guy thing, LOL. I like the advice to see if there are some female assistants at the local audiologist who can reinforce the male doc's message.

And props to your dad for thinking female docs know more than male docs! He's to be commended for rockin' that belief!! :)

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score 3 · Answer 5

My Dad loves to flirt with women too, including medical professionals. When I moved him in with me, I picked out a female physician at the VA because despite the fact I'd rather not be around for the flirting, he will see his doctor and follow the treatment plan. When he had men doctors, he wouldn't go in, wouldn't take the medications, and usually checked himself out of the hospital AMA. His doc "gets it" and isn't bothered by the flirting. He is doing well medically, and that's the ultimate goal.

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score 3 · Answer 6

I understand your fustration, however, if your Father is more comfortable with a female Doc, and the mission is accomplished, put it to bed and move on. If your Dad has an opinion about whomever, so be it...he has that right...and perhaps a mutually beneficial practice in listening. Good luck.

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score 2 · Answer 7

Are there female assistants in that clinic? Could you privately explain the situation to the audiologist and ask that a female see Dad for some routine part of the exam and then tell him exactly what the doctor said? "You need hearing aids in both ears. Here are the options we recommend, and their costs. When you've decided what you want I'll have someone come in and get impressions of your ears." Obviously she can't practice medicine, but this may be a way to satisfy your father.

Otherwise, in this case I think I'd give in and go to another clinic, first checking that they have a female audiologist. Yes, it is dumb. But generally hearing aids help the caregivers as much as the patient, so don't cut off your nose to spite your face! If there is a way to get this man hearing aids, I'd go for it, dumb or not.

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Stubborn Dad refuses to see hearing doctor because Dr. is a man, he wants female doctors only these days. Help??

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