How do you decide if you really can't handle your elderly dad living with you and need him to move into a senior living situation?

There is an old saying "You can never go home again". Your father will always expect to be in charge and give orders and make corrections. You are still in the middle of a grieving process and minor slights can feel crushing. See your MD about an antidepressant. Find activities for Dad that are outside the house and with people his own age. Distract him from finding faults, this arises out of boredom on his part.

Leasha, first recognize that your father's well-being is very important. He deserves a chance at happiness in his old age. And your well-being is very important; you deserve a chance at happiness now. It does not make sense for you to sacrifice your well-being for the sake of his. You are equally worthy of a chance for a fulfilling life.

So if you really can't handle him living with you, help him find a senior living situation and move him. That is an OK choice. No guilt necessary.

IF you want to try some more to make this work (and it is totally up to you), you could try setting some boundaries and rules.

Here are some possible options:

Make your possessions of limits for discussion. You have what you have and you don't need or want his opinions about it.

Try for humour in your responses: "I was hoping for a pink refrigerator but that would be a custom paint job, so I settled for stainless."

Give reasonable, nondefensive answers: "No, we don't have too much stuff, we have too small a house. We love it all, though." "I'm not crying for everybody. I'm crying for someone I knew and cared about." Don't get drawn in to an argument.

Try creating some breaks from him. Can he get his own breakfast, while you go for a walk, or to the gym, or have coffee with a girlfriend on her way in to work?

Perhaps he could go to an adult day center one or two days awake, giving you respite. Or he could visit the senior center on days they have activities he likes. Or he could have his lunch there daily. He could join a senior bowling league. He could join a model railroad club, or a golf league, or a birdwatching group -- anything that he has an interest in and perhaps did in younger days. This will have two benefits -- get him out of your hair for a while, and also give him some new topics of conversation.

You may be able to find ways to make his presence in your house less stressful for you. But accept that it is also OK to find him a new place to live.

Thanks, JessieBelle, I know you're right. I guess we need to sit down and have a dollars and cents/options discussion. We should have done it before he moved in, but it all happened so suddenly.

The only person who can really answer that is you. How old is your father? Does he need supervision or is he okay living on his own. If he is okay living on his own, a senior community sounds like a good idea. 1000 sq ft is not much space to share with someone who is difficult to live with.