(First, many of you know I am the primary caregiver for my MIL & FIL. I recently went home to visit my mother and found out about my grandmother). My grandmother lives in a house my mother and uncle own rent free. Her only bill is the utility bill. She receives food stamps and social security. She is a bitter, mean woman that I will never allow my children around. Right now she is mad at my mom and uncle for not signing over the house (it was my grandfather's house! Her EX husband) so she can get a reverse mortgage on it. Recently, she has started talking to "random" people on the phone who are telling her she has won (The lottery and a car) . 3 times we have changed her bank account and phone number, she keeps giving it out! Because she keeps mailing them money and giving them her bank info, she has no money for her utility bill and food. She is bleeding my family dry. Other than this she is fine. No illness, no dementia just bat crazy. She honestly believes she won or can talk these people into giving her money. She thinks one guy is going to date her from Florida!
I've told my mom to call Adult protective services, but when they come visit she is a sweet grandmother (never in my life has she been! )
Any ideas
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There's likely enough proof for some family member to get control of her finances and block debits from her account unless authorized. If the family can change her bank account, there's a foot in the door. But I'd contact an elder law attorney to get to the next level.
Good luck,
Carol
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An additional note the hardest thing we had to do was finally take the car away from her. As the Alzheimer's progressed she started roaming particularily going out to find who took her car. She would end up at my sons house 2 miles away in the middle of the night dressed only in her night clothes asking him where is my car.
I agree with 'expressor1'. I assume your family has some control over her finances since they were able to change her bank accounts three times. I'd suggest putting her on an allowance (but, I wouldn't call it that when introducing the idea to her!) with a rechargeable Visa gift card. Your mom could load it each week with a fixed amount of money. When it runs out, it won't work until it's reloaded. It's not connected in any way to her bank accounts or credit cards, so no danger of scammers getting their hooks into her. She could only waste her weekly allotment.
She had a horrible problem of answering the phone and listening to every scammer out there and she gave money to them. One day I ran to the gardening center and came home to find a man at the door taking money from her and having her sign a paper which would allow them to withdraw money monthly from her account! THAT IS WHEN I STOOD UP AND CALLED BULL.....! I stopped the monthly withdrawals and enacted my POA. Anyone who does this crap is not mentally together enough to be able to handle their own finances and these scammers will latch on to them and continue to call them and fake relationships or play on their sympathy to continue to extract money from them.
A woman was on DR PHIL not that long ago which may have only been in her early 50's but she believed this man that she had formed a fake romance with and solely over the phone. and she kept sending him money to the tune of over $150,000! Her son had taken her to the show to get help for her because she was bankrupting herself. They proved that the man was a scammer and a liar and she refused to believe it!!! It was heartbreaking to see her son so distraught and her blindness and refusal to believe the truth.
I was already signed on to my mother's account's because I had handled her banking for years but now I took over all the money, she is no longer able to have her checkbook and is only given $50 a month in cash. This is no real problem for her as she never leaves the house anyway and anything she wants we buy it for her at the store.
I began to make sure I was the only person answering the phone and I made sure I told every person who called that they were to remove her name and phone number and NEVER CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN!!! I threatened lawsuits and everything I could think of. Next I made sure that every single time I left the house I put the phone on call forwarding so she would receive NO PHONE CALLS while I was out of the house for short periods of time.
My parents had worked too hard for their money to see my mother's mental condition and inability to handle her finances just blow it all! I became a warrior on her behalf because she did not have the ability to make wise decisions.
Now I am not sure that they still make the "Zappers" that they use to make but if they do then you should invest in one and attach it to your grandmother's phone without her knowledge... she may remove it if she thinks it is keeping her from the people she wants to talk to.
Your situation is different than mine as you do not live in the house with her, nor does anyone else. You need to get DPOA on grandma and you need to take over her finances, if you don't she will stay DEAD BROKE!! If no one gets her DPOA then no one can do anything, she will be able to keep doing what she is doing now.
You say she is fine, but I beg to differ, she isn't. My mother was the biggest fake around and able to charm every doctor and everyone looked at my sister and I like we were idiots when we told them she had a memory problem. She was tested and she does have dementia, it will get worse, much worse and if no one has DPOA then you will not be able to help her with medical issues either. If you wait too long and the dementia becomes worse, she cannot legally give it to you because she will not be considered mentally competent.
Do not EVER sign that house over to her.... someone who she is giving money to has found out and is pushing her to sell her home to send them more money.
If you want to hear what is going on, you can get a recorder that attaches to her phone line and records the calls so you can hear what these criminals are saying to her. She probably should not know about the recorder or she will remove that as well.
I am not saying to do things that might be illegal, but when you are dealing with this situation you are dealing with scum and you need to know what is happening so you know how to deal with it.
Good Luck to You!
If you can get her accounts changed to elsewhere, you can help railroad, if needed, to maybe create a tiny account that she can access, and have the bulk of her money in an account you control, to keep it safe to use for her needs.
You can call police to do well-checks on her, reporting to those officers that she's been being taken advantage of by scam-artists; that they have been conning her money from her. They can do well-checks every time you ask for it.
IT creates a record.
Social Services can be contacted to do an evaluation of her capabilities: YOU need to give them a heads-up that she's good at "show-timing" and putting on a show, and tell them how long she is able to keep that up at one time---my Mom could do it for about 2 hours, before she had to retreat to her room to re-gather her wits, then she could do it again.
The Social Workers refused to look in her room to see how Mom lived, they took her word that she didn't want to go to any facility, and took her word that she could look after herself….she COULND"T!
But workers also try to avoid allowing trouble-makers into their systems, as well--if family reports the person has anger-management issues, or that they act-out, they tend to try to avoid letting those get placed in NH's.
Workers need input from other people to cue them something's wrong--need proof/facts how /why the person needs a keeper..
There's no way to convince a mentally unstable person to stop suckering for scammers.
All you can do is break the connections between scammers and your elder.
Blocks on the phone really help--the phone company will place 900# and can restrict calling area to local, but that won't stop incoming calls from those.
There are limited-use phones, that can only call programmed-in numbers.
Or take the phone away, only placing one of those LifeLine things they can push the button to get help..but if demented, they can't use those properly, either.
A good POA, take control of bank accounts, prevents scammers getting their hooks in even if she talks to them.
Sweet and caring is what they do best--frail elders eat that up with a spoon--they crave attention, scammers give attention and the appearance that they really care.
They are sweet and caring, until they learn there's no money to get.
Once they get some money, they spread the number, and more call.
The more money gets sent, the more calls.
Do everything you can to get your elder protected from these opportunists!
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