My 82 year old Dad is being mentally and verbally abused by his new wife of 14 months. Any advice?

Is this the same cousin who was your Mom's best friend and took her to all her cancer treatments? Does anyone else remember this?

Hi StoicMan, thank you for your comment. I know my dad has his rights. In the beginning he had no one near him until we moved here. He was so over the arguing and abuse from her that he packed his stuff and came and lived with us for a week. His nerves settled down and he was happy until the text messages started to come in blaming him for everything possible. He admitted he had made a mistake and rushed into marrying to quick, he also said he loved her but was not in love with her. Things seem to have changed and now I think he is to scared to make decisions for himself. She told him he didn't have a brain (he went and had a brain scan) lol. She told him he was a wimp and that he is useless the list goes on. I can certainly let go and let him live his life out. I just don't want to see him go further down. He is under so much stress that he is forgetting things, maybe he wants to forget who knows. But like I said StoicMan I can certainly take my hands off him and just say you made your bed you gotta lie in it. Not the Christian way of doing things though. But maybe in the end there is nothing I can do..

Hi Veronica, thanks for your answer. My dad is only a couple of years older than she is. This is her 3rd marriage. She happens to be my mothers cousin. My mum passed away 3yrs ago. There are 5 children and she dislikes us all. I have thought about a rescue mission to which the other siblings agree but are afraid it will make thing worse. She has 3 children 1 a daughter who is worse than she is (my dad told me that) and the daughter told my dad that if her mum got ill because of him she would not be very happy so in other words threatened him. The step mum has 5 stents in her heart and has an aneurism which she uses against my dad by blaming him if it burst. I think my dad is scared to do anything in fear of retaliation and worsening abuse. I have stopped contacting him thinking it would make her go easier on him but I know I was wrong. I could go to the authorities whoever they are I guess. I am in Australia not sure if this is an American site LOL...But am happy to know I'm not alone and have nowhere else to turn. Thanks again you are much appreciated.

Remember, your father has a right to his autonomy. You may not like his choices, but you must respect them. You have your life to live and he still has his life to live. Try to see him as a whole human being and not just your father.

So what does your dad say about all of this? Does he have dementia? If not, and he's of sound mind, I'm not sure there's a lot you can do. But I'd sure try to take him out for a meal (take some siblings along with you) to get him away from her so you can find out from him what he thinks about his life right now. Figure out when she's gone, so you can see him when she's not there.

Do you have enough grounds for an Adult Protective Services Report? Does the wife give any reason for this restriction? If you have nothing else to go on, cold you hire a private detective to get to the bottom of it?

The most helpful thing I can think of doing is consulting an elder lawyer or may be Dad's own lawyer. I think you are pretty helpless on your own. Is the new wife much younger than Dad? How many siblings are there? Could you stage a rescue mission?