Mom 93, verbally abusive forever, my husband 72 has ALZ, they don't get along. Any suggestions?
My husband remembers her abuse towards me & Dad and does not treat her well either. She is resentful, and does not forgive his ALZ. She can not live alone I feel trapped, hubby and I get along great.
Sorry, Mom's out, Husband gets the majority of your attention. Life actions have consequences. (I've heard it expressed as "As you sow, so shall you reap." With her life-long habit of verbal abuse, Mom may just have to face a bitter harvest. She doesn't have to forgive his ALZ -- it is not a sin or an offense to be sick. If she doesn't get that, she certainly shouldn't be in frequent contact with someone who is sick.
Don't stop loving her. Visit her. Advocate for her. But find her another place to live. Your husband has enough burdens to live with.
This is a tough one, since only you can decide what you want to do. In my mind, your first duty is to your husband. If your mother is making his life unpleasant, it is not a good thing. Are there any good facilities around that she might like? If she doesn't like your husband and he doesn't like her, it seems the only person semi-comfortable with the arrangement is you. (And you don't seem very comfortable with it.) IMO, you should check around to see if you can find a good place for your mother.
I'd try to get mom into a facility and let others deal with her verbal abuse. You don't have to put up with it and you've got your hands full with your husband's Alzheimers. Having two people to care for with the issues they both have is just too much for anyone. Hugs to you...
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Don't stop loving her. Visit her. Advocate for her. But find her another place to live. Your husband has enough burdens to live with.
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