Should I tell my parents that I had cancer and am in remission?

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freqflyer Asked December 2013

Should I tell my parents that I had cancer and am in remission?

My parents are in their 90's and still living independently, all I need to do right now is just drive them where ever they need to be.

Back four years ago I had cancer, major surgery, yada, yada, yada, and I never told my parents because Dad was still recovering from a heart attack. I was afraid such news would be traumatic to them since I am their only child and they are still "helicopter parents", even though I am pushing 70 years old. Believe me, the helicopting can be very stressful, even I getting a common cold sends them into a panic.

Thank goodness I wasn't needed as their "driver" until a couple of years after my surgery when they both stopped driving. I was the master of excuses for not driving on some days due to exhaustion and side effects of the meds... usually said I had to work late at the office.

Should I tell them, but just shove this information under the rug for their own peace of mind?

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score 0 · Answer 1

I wouldn't tell them. I find there are a lot of things I don't tell my 93 year old mom. She just can't process it like she could and there's no reason to worry her about stuff that she can't control.I tell my friends or my cousins so I can discuss it with people who care. I don't even tell my brother about half of the things going on in my life, since he's not very good at empathizing.

It's kind of tough when you can't share your problems with your folks (for me at least) but when I've tried, my mom just has a very flat affect (she doesn't have much of a response) and it's more painful than not telling her.

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score 1 · Answer 2

I haven't faced anything like this, so I'm not speaking from experience. I THINK I would not tell them. If they find you kept such a major secret from them in the past, will they worry that there is something else you are keeping from them now?

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score 1 · Answer 3

If you never told them, don't tell them now. All they will hear is the word CANCER and obsess about it. Just tell them you had a good check up, they will pick up on your joy.

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score 0 · Answer 4

I would tell them in a way that is not so upsetting. The reason I would do this is so they will understand if sometime you are tired. It has been a while, but I know you don't want to over-stress yourself. Their helicoptering could actually come in handy to keep some of the stress at bay as they get older. (This is just my opinion, so shouldn't be given a whole lot of weight in what you decide to do.)

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Should I tell my parents that I had cancer and am in remission?

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