I'm losing it. I have no where to turn for help. I'm 24 and have been taking care of my 56 year old mom for a few years now. She is housebound due to severe arthritis and ulcerative colitis. I have never had a job or gone to college, because I've had to stay home to take care of her. I don't have friends and rarely leave the house except to go grocery shopping.
On top of taking care of her, I have to deal with my own issues. I have depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and OCD. It's tiring enough taking care of myself, let alone another person. I've been sober and free of self-harm for 5 months now, but I still deal with suicidal thoughts. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, I don't think I'd have the courage to keep going.
Being a caregiver for so long is really taking a toll on me. Resentment has crept up on me, and I feel angry whenever I'm around my mom. I'm ashamed to admit that I lose it sometimes and yell at her, even for the smallest things. I try to be patient and understanding, but I'm not doing a very good job, and she doesn't deserve to be treated like that.
I can't even list all of the reasons why I feel so resentful. I just feel like my whole life has been stolen. I'm only 24, and I'm doing things that no one my age can understand. I should be finished with college by now and moving onto other things; not calling 911 for the 5th time because my mom has fallen or emptying her bedside commode or being woken up at 3am because she's hungry.
We have no family or family friends to help me out. I've talked to nurses, called in-home care places, called everyone I can think of/everyone that has been suggested, but she just doesn't qualify or we can't afford the extra help.
As for me, I'd love to be in therapy again, but we can't afford that either; not even sliding scale payments. I've been searching for over a year, trying to find a way to get back in therapy, but it's just not doable right now. I'm treating my problems via self-help books instead.
How do I stay sane? How do I keep this resentment from eating me up? I don't want this to ruin my relationship that I have with her. I love her. I just hate these illnesses, and I'm wrongly taking my anger and frustration over these illnesses out on her. What can I do? Any advice at all is really appreciated.
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And Hijowashte, God seems to be MIA at the moment.
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Ulcerative colitis from what I've read is quite serious and debilitating - I'm guessing that is what keeps her from working and home-bound more than the arthritis. Have you looked into the option of getting your mother onto Medicaid so that she could qualify for a nursing home? It might require "spending down" all her savings, a hard choice. I know that suggestion is probably horrifying given that she's only 56 but her caregiving needs sound constant. There are laws in some states that would allow you to remain living in the house so you wouldn't be homeless while your mother is in the nursing home. I know this would apply if she was a senior but not sure how the rules apply given her age.
Maybe it would help people here to help you if you listed all the avenues of help you've already tried and what the results were?
Are you and Mom on Medicaid? Is she on disability? I think the answer to both should be "yes."
If your Mom has any kind of caseworker, ask them for advice for yourself. I'm sure there is low-cost or free counselling available. I don't know where you would find it. If you had a therapist before, ask them where you could go.
We want you to be able to have a life. First, you deserve one. Second, as a US citizen, you should be out there earning money, spending to support the economy, and paying taxes! It is your patriotic duty to get a life!!!
Please tell us more about what you have tried to get help. Maybe we can think of more places to try.
Now about you -- you need to be able to get out. Talk to your mother about getting Life Alert and carrying a cell phone with her at all times. If she does fall, help is only a few minutes away. I know you will worry about her, but I also know that you need to build your life. Getting out of the house and productive will probably make things so much better for you. You may need some help from medications to start with, but maybe not for long -- hard to know. If you need help, call your county health department and see if there is anything available. If your family is low income, you will qualify for Medicaid. Use it!! There is no need for you to suffer this way.
Let us know what is going on with you. There is help out there. You just have to reach out for it. You need to be insured next year. If you haven't applied, go to the www.healthcare.gov site and start the process rolling. The site is working fine now.
Even if she could walk though, she has colitis, which she will have to surgery to fix at some point, but until then, that too keeps her housebound, as she is prone to accidents. It's almost impossible for her to leave her bedside commode because of this. She spends at least 12 hours on it every day.
my female renter upstairs copped a disability years ago for god only knows what and its my opinion she should step away from the beer mug, exercize about 100 lbs off of her lumpy blob and get herself employment.