When a person has dementia is it common for them to apologize after they have have insulted and demeaned the caregiver?

JB, If you can think of it as fear, it might be easier to disregard. I think that's the "high road," which we can't always take. The small amount of abuse I get is not personal or intended to wound me, and I am still struggling to let it go.

JB,
When I remember that they will soon forget it helps me get through the periiods of high anxiety and agitation.

I was thinking the same thing, glad. I have become so jaded that I just accept the apology verbally, knowing that it won't be long until it happens again. People who emotionally abuse their caregivers have a deep-seated need to do it. Perhaps it is fear or resentment. I don't know what it is.

If only we caregivers forgot about these incidents so easily! Wouldn't that make this job easier?

It depends on the kind of dementia and where they are in its progression. Many people immediately forget their behavior, which is probably merciful for them, if not for the caregiver. Others who are in and out of being lucid can remember and are horrified of their behavior when they are "out of it."

I really don't know which is more "common." If you get an apology, accept it graciously. If the person is quite distressed about the incident, and accepts that they have dementia, then help them feel better: "Thank you for that apology. I know that you would never behave like that when you are in control. For a while there the disease was in control. I'm sorry we both went through that, but that is just how it is when the disease goes through a rough spot. Let's hope this afternoon is much better! Would you like to have a cup of hot chocolate with me and listen to some music?"

My sister always said, when we were talking about my husband with a very in-and-out-and-in-again type of dementia (Lewy Body) that if she ever goes ga-ga she hopes she just arrives there and doesn't have to be aware of the journey. Me too. But this is not something we get to pick.

Some are aware enough and have enough short-term memory to want to apologize. Some are aware but are too angry about having this cursed disease to apologize for what they can't help. Some have no awareness of when their behavior is unacceptable. We just have to do the best we can with our loved ones' situations.

Thanks....makes more sense now.

In the early stages, yes, but as it progresses they have no social filters anymore. Short term memory gradually disappears and they do not even remember what they did five minutes ago.