I'm torn between family. What do I do?

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annabella Asked December 2013

I'm torn between family. What do I do?

my aunt has poa of my other aunt her 87 year old alert sister. We were all living in the state of NV when my aunt took my 87 year old aunt to live in a nursing home in Ohio in her motor home. Then returned to NV five years ago. I thought all was well. Until now. At christmas dinner My 87 year old aunt said she wants to come back here to live. She is not happy in the place she is staying. She said although they won't hurt her body, they yell and her and force her to do what they want ther to do against her will. she is unhappy there and no family members visit her. she is alone. she said she wants me to keep her here set her in a nursing home what ever. My aunt her sister with poa and legal guardingship sd no she has to go back to Ohio she dosn't have time to fool with her here, I said I will visit aunt Mary. if she is here and look after her, my mom her other sister who is now 82 and living in her own home sd my aunt can stay in her 2nd bedroom no problem, My other Aunt there younger sister said no. My Aunt Mary has no children, no property and we love her. She is my favorite Aunt. I don't want her to step on the plane to go back to the place in Ohio What can I do. her plane to leave is by the 17th. My Aunt Mary asked me to to to my other Aunts house who now won't speak to us to pick her up by the 15th before the plane takes her back to Ohio and send for her belongings. She was pleading with me not to send her back to that place. I am truly worried for her she seemed so sweet but beaten down. It broke my heart, my mothers heart and my sisters heart. Please let me know, Am I able to go to my other Aunts home in a polite way. And take my other Aunt to my Moms home until we can get everything sorted out? My aunt is on medicaid and medicare. and social security. We could even put in a nursing home here in Nevada where we can visit her. What ever it takes. My Aunt deserves to be treated with love, kindness and understanding I can't stand the thought of sending her back and not helping her when she is pleading for me to intervine if anything happens to her I could never forgive my self for responding to her request,

Power of Attorney (POA)

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score 1 · Answer 1

If all the family is in NV, why is your aunt in Ohio? What possible objection could there be to your aunt moving to a nursing home by you? I would pursue this. Why send your aunt back 1,500 miles, where no one can visit her? Nursing home staff are over worked because of too many patients to staff ratio.
Yes, if there are no visitors, nursing home staff can be short tempered and abusive. I walked in on it with my father, and I was there two or three times a day. Take it seriously.

Could you take your aunt to your county council on aging, and get some advice about how to proceed?

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score 1 · Answer 2

So sad to hear all this and not know what to do.

If you can take over your aunt's care, then go to Ohio first to investigate. Please do not assume that the POA aunt is mistreating her sister. As NancyH says, talk to the POA aunt as if she is a good person trying to do a good job. Keep on her good side until you have proof she isn't.

This will be a very big project to take on, and your aunt may not end up any happier. You are a good loving person to want to help, but look before you leap.

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score 2 · Answer 3

Annabella, I agree with the others, if it's possible you need to go back to Ohio with your aunt and see for yourself. It could very well be that she's fabricating a story that is either totally false or partially true who knows? And sometimes it's not that they lie on purpose, but actually believe what they're saying in true. If you're not able to let this go and send her back, then go see for yourself. And the aunt with POA, I'd confess your dilemma to her and tell her you want to believe poa aunt, but you're torn. Tell her you want to go back and put this to rest once and for all, and see if she'll get on board with you. That will sure make things easier for you.

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score 1 · Answer 4

It's extremely hard to be the POA and caregiver of an elderly relative as oftentimes they make up falsehoods about you or about their care environment. It is most disheartening. Likely your 87 year old aunt is fabricating these stories and the nursing home she lives in is perfectly nice and she is well cared for. What your aunt really misses is being with the family in Las Vegas. What you and your family could do to help her the most is go visit her in Ohio and call her frequently. I do think that a visit may help assuage any fears you have about your aunt's living conditions. I would do that FIRST before I assumed anything was wrong. I would make an unannounced visit and spend a great deal of time observing before I made any judgements. Certainly, making a knee-jerk reaction and taking control of your aunt right now is not a good idea.

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score 2 · Answer 5

Wow. Is there any way you can investigate the Ohio place yourself and find out what is really going on out there? You mind end up realizing psteigman is totally correct and there are good reasons the aunt you love actually has otherwise unmanageable problems. Or you might find out the situation is in some way neglectful or abusive and you have grounds to contest the guardianship, namely the guardian not acting in the best interest of the ward. There is just no way to know with just the information you currently have and have shared with us. Why Ohio from Nevada in the first place, BTW??

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score 1 · Answer 6

You are being manipulated by an aunt who cannot care for herself, and reports mistreatment, which may or may not be factual. If you keep her, she will likely report mistreatment by you at some point. The court granted guardianship after a complete examination by the court found her to be incompetent. You would have to go to court and show cause why anything should be changed. If you just decide to keep her, the police may arrest you, and you could have a permanent restraining order against you for endangering her welfare. You could also be charged with abuse, because there is a very good chance your aunt, in her confused state, will falsely report that you yell at her and force her to do things (like take a bath) that she does not want to do. For the safety of all concerned, return her to her nursing home and avoid a major conflagration within the family.

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I'm torn between family. What do I do?

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