Brother refuses to let me or my kids see or speak with 80 year old mom with Alzheimer's. What can I do?

If you suspect something amiss, call Adult Protective Services, if you have one in your area and seek their help.

Brother, sister, whoever it is does not need to get away with financial abuse and healthcare neglect. Time to call APS and your area agency on aging if you are planning to take mom in if the case is founded. Probably also time to lawyer up, if no one has POA or guardianship...or if brother got that and is failing to uphold his responsibilities or act in mom's best interest. APS staff may ask why are you calling now and not when you first suspected, but I suppose you can honestly tell them you did not believe brother or sister would really be acting against mom's best interests, but seeing or hearing ____ convinced you. Make sure you have facts straight to whatever extent you can under the circumstances and have any hard evidence available that you can muster.

Thank you for everyone's help. To be clear I watched for about 5 to 6 months my brother abusing my mom. I tried to get him to do the right thing and he refuse. Lack of medical treatment, isolation and then seeing that my brother made major purchases in cash and the bank telling me that their was serious activity going on in her account not what a woman I'm her 80's with alzheimers would be doing

Now he refuses to let her see her son and grand kids and long term friends. I have tried everything up till now and I have not been ably to help my mom. Hopefully APS can help. Can department of the aging help or any other organizations. To me this is the definition of elder abuse. Mom is very wealthy and she deserves the very best care and her money should be used for her care

I'd err on the side of caution - call APS. It's true that maybe it will turn out things are okay in which case no harm is done - except to your relationship with your brother but that sounds like it is already gone anyway. Do what you need to to be at peace with yourself.

He may be keeping you away to avoid criticism. Caregivers often resist any helpful interference from the rest of the family. Send her some flowers and a card, leave it at that. Ask your kids to do something nice for her.

Mom is living with Brother now for over a year. For the last 5 months he refuses to let me. See or speak with mom. When I was able to see mom, I saw mom very sick with bronchitis, swollen feet from diabetes, and major dental problems. Brother refuses treatment saying mom did not need medical or dental care. I also have seen brother make very large investments in his name recently

Please clarify how the sister fits into the picture. When you say "taken", was she taken from your house? Were you using her money to pay your bills? How do you know she is neglected if you have not seen her?

So, is it sister or brother with mom? Your messages say both.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elderly-abuse-neglect-warning-signs-145341.htm

check out this AC article. Do not be afraid to report to the authorities, they will keep your information confidential. Think how bad you would feel if something is going on, something tragic happens, and you did not let anyone know.

Just the isolation is a red flag and you need to notify the authorities. Find the APS website where your brother lives. It may have warning signs of abuse. What are you waiting for?

Just the isolation is a red flag and you need to notify the authorities. Find the APS website where your brother lives. It may have warning signs of abuse. What are you waiting for?

Thank you for your help. I have gone to se mom and no one answers the door. Always had a very good relationship with brother until mom got sick. Brother is isolating mom, neglecting medical care, and using moms money for his personal needs. This is not sibling rivalry, this is greed and abuse by my brother. Why isolate mom and neglect her medical care, and use her money for personal use. Is this not elder abuse?

Ok you are in NJ and she is in NY. At her advanced age, you will have to go there to visit and not expect to transport her. I sense this is more about sibling rivalry than anything else, unless there are more concrete details.

Elder abuse

Mom has advanced alzheimers. She cannot take care of herself and cannot manage her finances

Call Adult Protective Services in her location, NOW. They probably have 24 hour operator for emergencies, this is one. I think these things happen on weekend, especially long ones because those committing these offenses think response will be delayed, which would not be the case if it is an emergency.

how do you think mom feels about this? Is she competent?

Elder abuse