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Rimrock Asked January 2014

What do you tell Mom in long term care when she asks why her parents don't visit?

My mom has dementia and is 93. she was becoming upset because her parents had not been by to visit her in long term care. her Mother died in about 1973 so it isn't something new but she thinks i was keeping something from her which no one on the family did. i told her they couldn't come to visit but people at the care facility said I should not have done that.

joshturbeville Jan 2014
I just wonder if telling the truth would make her depress? 'Coz, if you'd not tell the truth, the same thing only happens, she got depress all the time.

Stressed52 Jan 2014
I did tell Mom that Dad had passed away while she was hospitalized and all she asked was how long ago and then moved on to another topic. It did not seem to distress her. I do not know what it might do down the road though.

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karenlorenzo Jan 2014
talk to a professional or an expert, the staff in the long term care facility should be able to tell you what to do or say. This is because they have undergone training to deal with people who have specific condition like your mom's.

Rimrock Jan 2014
They just said not to tell her they died. I actually said they couldn't get there and she guessed they died and I didn't correct that.

geewiz Jan 2014
Make up a plausible excuse (based upon Mom's life when parents were alive) and divert her attention to another topic.e.g. The snow was too dangerous to drive in. OR, one or another had a cold/stomach flu and didn't want you to catch it. Dad is in the middle of a big project at work and will come when it's finished. -- he hopes you understand.

What did the folks at the care facility think you should do? Because the 'rule' is, don't try to correct the person.

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