Am I being mean?

I love zquil for me. Would not give it to mom though. I do at times give her melatonin which seems to help a lot. I had tried valerian a few times but it seems to cause diarrhea. You need your sleep too. My mom attends a day program from about 10 to 4 Monday through Friday, she loves it, they keep her very busy, tire her out and she goes to bed usually right after dinner about 6:30. Then sleeps until 5 or so in the morning, when the constant trips to the bathroom begin then back to bed each time until I get up. Some nights she is up and down until 9 or 9:30. We will not watch the crime dramas or anything else that she could easily misinterpret as her family being in trouble. Things get very tangled up in her brain and she cannot make sense of most of what is on tv.

It sounds like a good idea to me.

On the ZZZQuil - it may be a problem for elderly brains. It's just an antihistamine, but they can cause confusion. Check with your doctor if you want to use it regularly.

Hugs to you across the miles. I think you are doing a fine job taking care of your mother and on top of that responsibility, your husband has dementia as well. The measures you are taking are keeping your mother safe and also providing her with a proper night's sleep and a routine which is so important.

As suggested above, maybe leaving some peanut butter and crackers out might help with a snack before bedtime and a drink. Don't feel guilty at all or that you are being mean because you are not. You are being resourceful and and providing the best care you can.

Take care and hope you can have time for yourself as well. It is so important.

Tough situation. I listened to a doctor lecture one time and he said that when elders have brain impairment like ALZ or dementia, there is also damage to the area of brain that is responsible circadian sleep cycle and it can't be reset like you can when we train infants to get on a sleep cycle.

The best thing you can do according to the doctor was to ensure plenty of physical activity during the day especially afternoons, a filling dinner and maybe a later nutritious snack before bed, cheese or PB crackers, small turkey on cracker or half sandwich, milk, etc to help keep them satiated thru sleep. Keep them up by going for a walk after dinner, watching lively TV, etc.

It's ok to lock the BR door in my opinion to get her to sleep when you need her to and not disrupting your sleep.

One more thing, you might try giving her ZZZ-Quil before bedtime to help her stay asleep. It's not like a sleeping pill, but very mild OTC that will help her have restful sleep but not be groggy the next morning like Tylenol pm or sleep aid. Consult doctor first.

Sounds like you are doing fine, don't feel guilty. My Dad also wants to go to bed right after dinner most nights. we try to keep him up until 8 or so, otherwise he talks Mom;s ear off when they go to bed...

when moms care became full time i learned to nap when she did but that doesnt sound workable for you. maybe a niece or nephew could stay and help you for a while. many are having trouble finding work right now. theyll pretty much work for weed. lol

Thank you both so much for answering. I needed to hear that. I love this site. It's good to know I'm not alone. When I read what other people are going through it helps me to put things in perspective. Thanks again!

It sounds to me that you care for her well being as best as you can. You want her to be safe and in a perfect world there would be other options. I know what you mean about feeling mean though...it seems to come with the territory...as does feeling guilty...and never enough. Be kind to yourself....especially on those days when you feel no one else is...sending a warm hug

I don't think you're being mean. You"re trying to keep her safe. Paper towel sandwiches can't be healthy and she could choke on something like that. You're also trying to establish some routine that will enable you to better care for her and your hubsand. You certainly have your hands full. I wish you well.