Any ideas for ways siblings who live out of town can help be connected with Dad and make me feel supported?

Yeh I am also the chosen one. My mother looks to me first for everything because it is easier and more convenient for her. I am the last on her list when it comes to consideration for how I feel. Nice to know where I am on the pecking list of the three daughters. Glad I have the strength to say no and establish boundaries. Unfortunately, I am still the first one she calls in any type of crisis. I cannot blame my sisters. My mother wouldn't think of causing undue stress to my other sisters with her problems. I just wish my mother would share her burdens equally with my sisters so I do not feel so alone when trying to deal with my mother.

Celticlass, I hope you didn't tell them this is a tax deductible contribution. Did you set up tax exempt organization under the federal tax code? Pretty unlikely. Please don't assume you know the tax consequences unless you checked and have a federal ID number for the organization to which they are contributing.

My question would be what is it you hope they would do?
You said he is in an independent living facility. Maybe you could pay for them to provide more services. Is it like an assisted living community? When we had dad in an assisted living we could pay extra for medicine to be done etc.

You can also set up a fundraiser on website giveforward which is what I did. I explained that I was doing a fundraiser for mom to provide her with things she needs (i.e attendant care to give me a respite or items not covered by medicare) I sent the link out to everyone on my and mom's e-mail list, facebook page, and regular mailing address book. I set a goal based on attendant care for so many hours for 6 months. People sent checks who weren't comfortable contributing on the site and they can take it off on their taxes under charitable contributions. Or tell them buy groceries on safeway.com here's a list of what we need. If they are unwilling or unable to participate in caring for your dad then there are ways to get them to help long distance. Make a list of what you need, a week off, groceries, gas money write it all down and then e-mail your sibling and say something to the effect of "I know you all love dad very much and would like to help him. Here are some of the ways you can help him and provide him with needed items."

I want to thank you who took the time to comment and got some good suggestions. So nice to have this forum.

It's a digital photo frame with a subscription plan. It requires either a wireless connection or a phone line. I have one, I had tried to get my mom to do it but she always solemnly refused to touch the family computer, I guess for fear she would make a mistake and Dad would yell at her, or just because she would not know exactly what to do, so she actually sent it back immediately, even though at the time she loved getting pix of her grand kids. CEIVA does not even require a computer. Just google them if you think it might be a solution for you! It's not dirt cheap but it's not overwhelmingly expensive either.

vste, What the heck is a CEIVA?

The other techie solution would be a CEIVA for dad that everyone could update pix to.

Can you arrange to Skype on a regular basis? It might be nice to see each other and easier to carry on a conversation. It would also be easier for them to see as changes occur.

SunFlo gave some terrific suggestions. The phone thing is great. They need to be up on the activities of the place, so they can encourage dad to participate and if he does, ask how he enjoyed it. They need to call enough so that they know who the players are in dad's new life. Who's his favorite waiter/waitress in the dining room? Who cleans his room? Who are his new neighbors? What are their stories?

My brother calls once a week (at my insistence after 12 years of zero support). But I think he only talks to mom for about three minutes, so he doesn't know anything about her day-to-day life. My mom also has very poor short-term memory, so doesn't know how to initiate conversation any more. I wish my brother would take more interest in her life and ask how the amaryllis is doing and how the new sidewalk the facility put in out front is working out. Maybe your sisters can be better. Once they learn the details, they can keep notes to remember themselves what to ask about. It's not hard, it's just a matter of care and concern.

Sunflo2 has great advice! As far as time off for you, have sibling come at a scheduled time every month, ie the 3rd weekend of the month that way you can make plans ahead of time and have something to look forward to.

Start a google group for your family, Dad's kids. Email invite all siblings to join. Create a separate topic/thread for each action item or concern asking for their ideas on how ro resolve each problem/concern.

First you have to be willing to speak up and say you still need their support and help as you care for dad. Psteg gives the first good answer--telephone. I'd also add to that that you let family know what are best times to call dad when he's most alert and secondly, even when dad has nothing to say or tries to cut conversation short...that they make the EXTRA effort to keep him on the phone as long as possible.

Next ask that they send some cards, pictures, magazines (of interest to dad...Barnes and noble have great hobby, WWII, hunting, travel, mags) that would be fun for dad to look thru and feel special that "my son, Bob sent this to me". Short large print letters are welcome telling about your activities, kids event, or a memory you have of a game, store visit, hunting trip, etc you did with him or your mom.

Sending an occasional treat like his favorite cookie, fudge, sausage, BBQ sauce, sports team hat or pin are also welcome.

How about movie tIckets or restaurant gift card for dad to take you out to dinner.

Pictures, artwork from the grandchildren, a memory scrapbook that he can flip thru with pictures of family, friends, old hangouts dad might remember. Shutterfly can even arrange in a book that would be fun for dad.

Lastly, TIME. Any vacation or leave a sibling can take of a couple days where they come up and let you get away while they stay with dad.

Just some suggestions. My brother lives across the country and is estranged from my mom, but I asked him to call, send cards and a little treat now and again for my sake and he has done so. Every little bit helps.

Sure there is, it's called a telephone.