My grandmother isn't eating well, bathing regularly, has sight and balance issues. She has made a "new" friend that she says she pays for "odd jobs" but no work gets done. When I ask she says the money is a gift. But she won't eat if I cook even her favorite foods, she is always angry with me and says I and the family just want her to die, move into a nursing home and get all her money.
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The person she's giving money to concerns me in that he or she may be planting ideas (the family members just want her to die, etc.). I'm hoping someone in the family has POA, but guessing from Grandma's personality that no one does. This is going to be a challenge.
Keep an eye on things as you've been doing. Ask her what she'd like to eat and tell her you'll fix anything she wants. Try some of Jeanne's suggestions and see if she responds to logic. Try to get her to a doctor for a checkup (don't mention mental issues or dementia).
In the end, sadly, there's not always a lot you can do unless you can take legal action against the person she's giving money. You'd need proof of fraud or ill intent for that but keep records if you can just in case.
We are with you, my friend. Please keep checking back so we know how you (and Grandma) are doing.
Carol
"If we wanted you to die, Gramma, no one would be here trying to help you stay out of nursing homes."
"Nursing homes are very expensive, Gramma, so if we wanted your money we sure wouldn't want you spending it on your own care. All we want is for you to be safe and happy."
Of course, if she also has dementia then reasoning with her may not help at all.
Can GM afford to give money gifts to friends? If not, can you talk to this "friend" and explain that accepting money from her is taking unfair advantage of her? The first time I would not make any accusations ... just assume that this "friend" would want to know the situation. If that doesn't help, mention calling in Adult Protective Services to investigate whether this is exploitation.
Does someone have POA, with responsibility to look after her financial interests?
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Good luck to you and her.
From the sound of it, your father's big mistake was mentioning his grandson's visit at all. In your position, I would assume that your son had asked his grandfather to keep the business confidential, and, having opened his mouth and put his foot in it, your father was then forced to wriggle his way inelegantly out of the conversation. I don't blame you for being worried, but I wouldn't make any more of it than that.
I do understand how stressful it is to be the one who has to 'only stand and wait.' Keep a close eye: it's all you can do. Remember that the more you press him to accept help, the more he'll resist, to the point where it really is counterproductive. Just keep all offers open, and with luck he'll give in gracefully, little by little.
Are you also upset about relations with your youngest son? Can your other children help you with that?