After an ultimatum of either going to assisted living or moving across country with me, my mom decided to move. It was an ultimatum after visiting her during the Chistmas holiday. I told her we would return to get valuables and auction the rest. She was agreeable. I was able to get an apartment directly across the hall from me. We have purchased new furniture for her. The time has come to return but I am having extreme anxiety about her accompanying me. My anxiety is because some days she seems to understand the purpose of the trip. I have explained over and over that she is downsizing and the cost of moving "stuff" that is easily replaceable, is to costly.However, when I told her I had arranged a realtor to help us rent her home, she asked if the people renting would take care of her furniture while she is gone....and looked at me like a deer in headlights when I explained again the purpose of the trip was to downsize and an auction company would sell the rest. She insists she needs to be there to decide what should be packed to ship here... I think it is to traumatic. I have arranged for Comfort Keepers to be with her until my husband gets home everyday I'm fine, but I don't know how to tell her she won't be flying with me...
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Her furniture is difficult, no way she will not mind saying goodbye to it if she's concerned that tenants should take care of it. Still. As it is going to be auctioned, you can point out that people will be competing to give it a good home; and that she'll get a nice fat cheque at the end of it to get something very special for her new place, maybe?
Then explain that the journey itself will be tiring, and the work there will be non-stop, not even time for coffee and a sandwich, if you're going to get the place looking its best - you just don't think she's up to it physically. And cross your fingers behind your back and tell her there will always be the opportunity to retrieve anything really vital later on.
I suppose the main idea is to get her excited about how her very best things will look in her lovely new apartment. Best of luck, hope it goes smoothly once you get going.
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Have a conversation when she is most coherent, maybe mornings are best for her, take her out for breakfast, someplace quiet and have a conversation about her favorite things, what. Would be most memorable, etc. Consider bringing some special and comforting items back; ship them if you must. For example, favorite rug, favorite lamp (the one she always sits by when she watches tv, or the one on her nightstand, pictures, paintings, pillows (even if they don't match the new furniture), a vase, tablecloth, pillow cases and bedding (it will have comforting feel and smell), couple of dishes, coffee cup and saucer...yes sounds crazy, but who doesn't have their favorite cup and saucer!, maybe a baking pan, sauce pan...wooden spoon. I know these are all easily replaced with new, but this move is huge for our elders and they have much more affinity and irrational desire for their old and familiar things vs anything new.
Consider taking video or pictures of all her favorite rooms, garden, house, patio, neighborhood, neighbor houses and neighbors, favorite grocery, restaurants and you can later give them to her or organize in a photo album.
Make sure you introduce her to new friends her age, get her involved at senior center, YMCA silver sneakers or other organizations to help her adjust and assimilate to her new community. Maybe even invite some local seniors to her new apt and have a coffee meet and greet where you are the planner and coordinator to make her feel special and welcome.