My parents want me to quit working. Any suggestions?

My mother and I were never close and from a young age I learned to avoid her. An A1 narcissist, she treated me and my late father like dirt and alienated anyone who dared cross her path. I cared for her purely out of duty and it was a blessing when, needing care 24/7, she eventually went into a NH. She too was very miserly, never spent a penny on the house in 12 years and used the heat/AC little then complained about the heat/cold. She wouldn't have anyone in the house either but to have me as a free cook, cleaner, chauffeur and companion/slave for free, woohooo!

It didn't end with entering the NH as she was on the phone most every day screaming at me and being abusive to the staff and other residents. I got her into a private room and another stroke a few months ago, leaving her in a wheelchair, unable to sit up, stand alone or speak much, has knocked the stuffing out of her and I now have some peace. I visit once or twice a week to ensure she has all she needs.

The last five years have taken their toll. I've aged terribly, my hair is falling out and I'm still "in recovery". This nasty winter isn't helping but spring is coming and I can start to really rebuild my life.

"Oh DO they indeed!" - I think there's a consensus here. Do not stop work until you're good and ready.

The next time it's suggested, smile sweetly and say "no, thank you. I like my job."

Do so without guilt. Your parents have two alternatives: 1. your mother can learn to adapt to a hired driver. Or not. Just as she likes. 2. your father can take advantage of the internet, shipping costs or no shipping costs. Or not. As he pleases.

NOT your problem...

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Don't do it. If you want to find a graceful way of saying no, then ask parents "gee, hadn't thought of that, are you willing to make up my salary, healthcare benefits, 401k contributions, future raises, expenses during this time? Will I get time and a half, paid vacation and sick leave during this time?"

It is most parents wish to have their child take care of them so they don't have to deal with strangers or pay strangers for that matter. My mom is same, won't consider any outside help but wouldn't hesitate to have me come in and care for her provided I did it her way, was around when she needed and then retreated to basement to leave her be "staying out of her business" until she needed me next. That also means not having to listen to me or follow drs advice, financial advice, etc.

You will hate it, regret it and end up resenting parents. Don't do it!

Offer to help them find seniors helping seniors, agencies, outside assistance or whatever to keep them independent with occasional help from you; but remind them they raised you to be the independent woman you are and to live your life and you are doing just that.

I'm ranting, but I am so frustrated by my parent and other parents that won't consider outside help and feel that their children should step up and care for them out of familial obligation. Most did not do it for their parents as you stated and it's just not realistic in this day and age. For those of you who want to and are able, by all means, please do and I respect that. But for many, it turns out to be more of a burden and sacrifice than they could ever have imagined.

freqflyer, don't quit your job is you love it. Either start the process of getting your folks into asst. living, or hire someone who will drive them where they want to go. Believe me, there are people out there who love to drive, and for some money would love to drive your parents around. It's like the couple who get married, throw all their love and attention into their children and save nothing for the marriage. Then when the kids are up and out, they look at each other and wonder what they have now. You've gotta see the big picture in this. Your parents are going to die someday, and if all you've done is be at their beck and call for years what will you have left after that? It'll be bad enough to have lost them, but then to have nothing left yourself... wow don't go there.

Just another idea regarding the shopping online - sign him up for Amazon Prime. I think it's like $75.00 a year and then shipping is "free" on any purchase. If he'd balk at that, maybe you could just bite the bullet and pay it yourself for the freedom it would buy you.

Then again, him not wanting to pay for shipping may just be an excuse to try and manipulate you. These parents are clever ones when it comes to pushing buttons. :)

I agree with everyone. Do NOT quit your job. They are being totally unreasonable wanting just you to take them places. In my area there is a service called Smart Link transportation that is downright cheap. They'll pick you up at the door and bring you home for $2.25 each way. Sure, it will not be the same as you driving them places in their car, that is understood. They need to adapt to the changes in their abilities, not have you give up your livelihood for their selfish wants. Let the guilt go!

You father is being very inconsiderate toward you. Tell him to take a taxi or stay home!

It sounds like you take good care of your parents, but you will need to set this boundary now--no, you cannot quit working because you need to think about your own future. If you are able and willing to do some driving for them, tell them when and how long you are free so together you can make plans as to where you will be going and for how long.

Would they be willing to ride in your car instead of taking theirs? Would they help pay for the time and gas you spend on taking them places? Do they have any friends whom you could trust to take them out? Any senior citizen transportation services available, such as a van? I realize your mom doesn't want to get in a vehicle with a strange driver, but would your dad go by himself? Are they just bored and looking for something to do? Good luck on figuring this one out, but stay strong in setting the limits now.

Your father is being selfish. Don't quit or you want have enough money to retire yourself. Maybe it is time for them to move to assisted living if they can afford it.

I agree with Ashlynne -- don't do it. What your father is doing is asking you to give up your life and retirement security so they can stay in their home. It is a very selfish request unless he is offering to pay the same wage and benefits that you are leaving behind. People as they age frequently become self-centered and look around for whatever resources they have to maintain their comfort. Explain to your father that you cannot leave your job, because it would mean future poverty for yourself. Let him know, however, what you would be willing to do. He will probably get angry, but his getting angry is better than your facing poverty and doing a job that you really don't want -- driving them around. There are too many other options to explore, and you are just as important as they are.

Don't do it! These days anyone over 50 finds it almost impossible to get a job and you will never be employed again. Also an only child, I sold my home, quit my career and moved 200km to care for my mother (Parkinsons & dementia) for four years of pure hell.

When she went into a nursing home I bought a tiny house on 2 acres out in the country nearby where the living is inexpensive - well, septic tank and taxes 1/4 of what they would be in the city - and I can manage nicely. I'm planning on reviving my on line business to do maybe 10 or 15 hours a week to bring in a little extra money and keep my brain alive. I'm also planning on doing some volunteer work. Out here in the boonies it would be easy to become a hermit.