How do you deal with an elderly Mom who chooses you over siblings who are more than willing to help in her care?

My husband is blessed with four sisters that are (mostly) all willing participants in looking after his dad. At 83, he lives independently in a senior complex and still drives, goes to lunch daily, cards with friends, etc. Yet he still expects his kids around almost daily.

They each have a scheduled evening with him and weekends are open. Set a schedule and stick to it. "Mom, I'll be here on Mon., sibling 2 on Tues., etc.

She'll probably say that none of them does 'x' as well as you, but don't fall for it. She'll get by just fine. So what if things aren't perfect. I know I don't always get everything I want. Of course, I'm like an only child dealing with my mom. Whole 'nother story.

Manage those sibs, girl! And mom too! You'll be happier for it. I know, I know. It's so hard to tell your mom the way it needs to be. I'm still working on that myself. :(

Have you been able to discuss this with your siblings? If so, is it possible you could all create a schedule of who's responsible? Like, sibling one is responsible these days, and sibling two the other days? She may call you, but then the other sibling calls her back and explains you're unavailable. Believe me, I know parents can be so manipulative that maybe everything you've tried doesn't work, but if you're siblings are willing to help, can you and they work out something between yourselves and you all sort of work mom into the picture that you've all created without telling her so she's not aware of what's happening?

Well, if it were me, I would NOT get stuck with my mother's wants and needs. I would do an amount that I determined, and she could either accept help from her other children or she could hire help. I simply would not do it all.

You may not be able to control your mother's preferences and demands, but you can certainly control your own behavior.

Your mother is certainly lucky that she not only has the means to pay for help but that she also has more than one child willing to help. If she won't accept her good fortune, that is her choice, but it does not obligate you to do more than you are freely willing to do.