Can I demand to see my Mom's living trust documents to see if they are being followed?

Luckily I still have access to the safe box at the bank. (my sisters could have had my mother change that and could happen still). My brother and I had to drive four hours in the hopes of finding the documents still there. I wasn't sure if they had taken them. I made a copy and returned the original. I suppose the attorney could have given me a copy but I'm not sure. I did talk to him about clarification of the duties of trustees, poa and such. My sister should not be doing anything and my mother should have full control. The problem is my mother let's other's take her debit card, write checks and she signs. I pray that they are providing her what she needs and not draining her funds on themselves. Still worried.

I would like to see this question actually answered, the question is how a family member can get a copy of the Trust documents. I suspect you would have to get a copy from the Attorney who drew them up (assuming you know who that is). Are Trust documents filed with the County?

I am always stunned at how money changes people. I recently found out that my second husband died penniless in a NH. When we divorced in the early 90s he had at least 200K in several different investments, that were doing well (not the stock mkt) We parted friendly but did not stay in touch. He owned a nice home and had more than enough to retire comfortably. His oldest son found me on FB several mos ago and thru conversations I found out that he had died from prostrate cancer in 08. The youngest sister tried to keep his death a secret from the other 3 kids and they didn't find out til about a year after. And of course there was no money for them or his grandkids. I know that he had left money for the grandkids in his will but there was no will to be found. And apparently the youngest daughter is living quite well. Im just glad I didn't have to be involved. Only two of the four kids even speak any more. So sad. When my Dad died he left only the house. My older brother and I were pretty settled so we let our younger brother have the house. Within a year he had trashed it then sold it and spent the money. Again, so sad. That house meant so much to my Dad and he wanted kept in the family. Apparently the money was more important to my bro. So I sympathize with you and hope you are able to let go of the anger and as someone said let God sort it out. Your anger will hurt you way more than your siblings as they don't seem to have much in the way of feelings for you. Hugs and prayers for you.

doyourbest - At the time the court investigator interviewed my mother, she could still link sentences together and when asked, "Do you want your four children to be your guardians, or just your one daughter?", she stated, "I guess four is better than one". I have no idea what went through her mind or if she was referring to four eggs better than one, one will never know. In any event, it was the first in AZ history to have four guardians of one person, and as the court found out they did not exactly do their jobs. I kept bringing them before our family court judge and he sided with my evidence every time. Needless to say the three remaining sisters and I do not speak, and the brother died before my mother died. So, there is justice after all, although I do not wish them ill will, I cannot forgive the fact they neglected our mother. She got my best nursing skills and I kept her out of hospice twice.

GraceH My mother is living with one of my sisters temporarily and so she could have easily had my mother give her online account access with permission either by phone or in person at the bank. I knew it was something they could do. My mother doesn't use a computer. I had to call my sister's cell phone (no house phone) and of course she didn't answer or return my call when I requested to speak to my mother about it. Very sneaky. Very suspicious. If they would just be open. What am I to think? I am taken aback at far they have gone with this.

Thank you so much HolyCow. I understand what you are going through. I just wish it wouldn't take my mother being used and taken advantage of to an extreme to get something done.

If your Mom has a Trust she stipulated inside it who was to hold Power of Attorney for Finances and who would hold it for healtcare. In mine it also states who they (your Mom) wants to nominate for her guardian. When we made out these particular pieces of the trust my older sister did not agree that I should be given both POA's and nominated as guardian, so she argued the fact, but it was done anyway as it was Mom's wishes. IF either of your sisters is POA and they are spending or taking your Mom's money, they can be legally dealt with and this is a very BIG NO NO! I believe you need to seek the advice of an attorney and see what they recommend. In my case since my sister was so upset and angry and causing nothing but trouble and grief, the attorney finally told me that it might be better to show both sisters the trust and let them read it, so the one did not feel like she was being lied to or that I was doing anything underhanded. Up to that point he had told me NOT TO SHARE ANY DETAILS OF THE TRUST, AS IT WAS MY MOTHERS WILL AND NOT TO BE SHARED UNTIL SHE PASSED AWAY. Sharing the information with them was better and I could show the older sister that she had NOT been removed from the will and she could indeed see the bills I pay, the checkbooks are open to them to review as well as savings accounts etc.

What it did not help with was the resentment the older sister carried towards me as I was not the oldest child but given POA. The problem had always been that the oldest child borrowed money and never repaid a cent, ever! She had paid off her dental work from Mom's account, work on her vehicle etc and stopped paying towards household expenses and making my Mom pay them, even though she was working. Me becoming POA STOPPED THIS COLD, but she makes my life hell every single chance she gets.

Also if your sisters are helping themselves to Mom's money, what happens if Mom has to go into a nursing home and you have to apply for help through Medicaid? They do a 5 year look back on where your Mom's money has gone....your sisters will be liable for your Mom's care as Medicaid will refuse to pay a penny!

Donna1944 I tried to point that out too that medical costs can bankrupt people and I wanted her to be prepared for that. My sisters asked for the latest bank statement because they were house hunting again and a rent house had recently been sold. I was afraid of what might happen once they knew there was over $200K. I told one sister I would give it to her but wasn't comfortable giving it to another. She got mad and defended her. I tried talking to her but with the maturity of a teenager (she is in her 50s) she hung up on me after I said we can work on this. She said, "just send me the statements or we'll just go to the bank and get them!" then click. All three sisters have used my mother as a bank. One has received help with rent a few times ($200-300 at a time) and I don't believe ever repaid, one received a $15K loan and took 4 years to repay, another took $47K and only told me after she had done it. And strangely she had been worried about my mother's mental health and finally took her in to be checked just a few weeks earlier who prescribed a mild med for dementia. I am scared and feeling hopeless. I keep wanting to try but they give me nothing, not a word.

ferris1 I had considered that. It would be so much easier to let it go. How did you lose your bid for guardian? What is required or needed to win? Each day I feel differently it seems. I struggle with the thought of leaving my mother to the wolves, so to speak. I also think it would be Trust violation to use my mother's money to defend themselves (for personal gain or benefit). I think my mother feels she is in a tough spot because she has said more than once, "who is going to take care of me?" She feels dependent but could have done for herself for years and gradually stopped driving and then not even going to the grocery store or the pharmacy. Yet she adamantly said she didn't want to live with anyone. Now she has made her decision and I expect she will be moving into a 4 bedroom house, using a large part of her nest egg, high property taxes so a daughter with two children can move in. My contention was that her money could have served her better in other ways but that is moot now. I had accepted that anyway. It makes me very sad but I can't fix them and I am deeply hurt by having my mother turned against me to gain her trust and serve their needs. I want to believe you and to let God take care of them. Thank you for your thoughts.

I don't understand how your sisters by themselves can cut you off of your mom's accounts, if you were listed on them, they would have to get your mom's permission to remove your name?

For some reason there are people who refuse to believe that their parents might need that money in the future. Makes me sick to think of how they are used and sometimes abused because those who claim to "love them" are messing with their efforts to have that money to take care of them.
My stepfather had to have a new or at least different car every two years, and he spent all their savings and left mom with just his S.S. since he had retired at 55 His S.S. wasn't that much. She wasn't even added to his work pension of $600 a month, which would put her in a place where she didn't need my financial help.
You may have to get a lawyer, but myself, I would make their lives miserable until they proved to me that her wishes were being carried out. (but not if it cut me off even more from my mom.)

I am assuming one or both of them has POA? Join the club of family dysfunction where money can change the dynamics very quickly. I had my sisters and brother in court about our mother's care since I lost the bid to be her guardian, and in the end only wanted communication with them through letters. It happens. Most of this discord will probably play itself out in your mother not having too much money left in the trust, but you will just have to let it go, unless you want to hire an attorney at your expense (they will have the estate money to defend them). I know you are hurt, but let God take care of them in the end.

It's time to get a lawyer; sound like your sibs are fairly untrustworthy.

It depends what your trust set up is in the States. I live in the UK and if it is a trust with a fixed timed and certain wishes were set out when the trust was set up by the Settlor, then yes, these wishes should be adhered to. For me it would be important for you to seek legal advice before any more time elapses. Good luck with everything.

Another sister at least had the decency to double check with me for a $15K loan but were assured it would be repaid within a month or two after a loan approval from bank. They were denied. It took four years to get her to repay and she became angry anytime I asked about it. She also had been skimming off the top for years and claiming it was gratuity from my mother. A third sister has received $200-$300 on a few occasions for help with rent. How can I trust them with sole access to my mother's finances?

You can petition the court to appoint an independent guardian, who will NOT allow secret loans to anyone.