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lizzieann Asked February 2014

My best friend's mom just died and I'm feeling guilty for what I'm feeling. Anyone understand how I am feeling?

Her mom still lived indepentently, was 86 years old and seemingly in good health other than slowing down a bit, needing a walker, etc. Two days ago she got up, went to the beauty salon and had her hair done, went home, lay down for a nap and never woke up. She had a great life ... and death. My friend is in mourning now but she will never have to go through the long, slow decline that i'm going through with my mom who has lived with me for 5 years. My mom is 96. I love her dearly but i am so tired of being a caretaker and i am actually envying my friend who will never have to be a caretaker. Can others on this site understand this?

anonymous158299 Feb 2014
i resent a friend who was never a carer for not helping me just a little when i was. dont beat yourself up with guilt, what your doing takes superhuman strength and integrity -- and it will still beat you down. im 6 months post dementia care and still quite stir - fried.

assandache7 Feb 2014
I sure can understand!

Everyone "always" says to me that I'm lucky to still have my Mom alive and with me.. Not one of these people had their Mom living with them for over 12 years and they don't know crap about dementia... The women living with me is a shell of the lady who use to be my Mom...

Mourn for your friend, she lost her parent and that's sad but know you're a good daughter for caring for your Mom. Could your friend do what you do daily?

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