Can anyone tell me if they have experienced Mom, with dementia, paranoid of the toilet?

The only thing "normal" about dementia is that reason goes out the window. Trying to negotiate is worse than useless and will only put the caregiver in the position of being a conspirator in their delusions. It is much like trying to outsmart your computer after it has been infected with a virus if you don't understand computer programming.

There are some anti-psychotic medication that have shown some results, but the FDA does not reccommend them because the mortality rate is higher than placebo. Then again, it is difficult to justify psychosis as a "quality" life.

Our neurologist finally replied to the videos of my mom's bug hallucinations after 7 weeks. I agreed to try the medication hoping it might at least reduce the horrors of her being stung by imaginary ants every day.

For the past 3 years, I have had to carry her to the toilen and wipe her. She no longer even knows when she is having a BM, or when she is finished. Some symptoms of dementia seem to be a way of coping with the devastation of the unnatural role reversal of parent and child.

The Hopi Indians have a magnificent Butterfly dance. It includes all ages of the people in each village. At one point they form a line by age and the height from the youngest, rising to adult, then declining again to the most elder, is an undeniable recognition of the cycle of life. The people of each village perform in the plaza of each village every year. No words are even necessary.

Refusing to use the bathroom may have complications related to fear, although she may simply feel the diapers take care of the problem. However, stool is another issue and one should make attempts at avoiding this. I would keep trying to find out what the exact fear is, if you can. Continuing to allow incontinence as diapers cover the events is not the quality of care one should follow. That is how I was taught.

Fear of falling in perhaps? Paranoia should be discussed with the MD who may want the patient to have some adaptive equipment like a raised seat or a seat with arms on either side for steadiness.