Is it common for aging parents to still think you are a young child?

When parents get to be 90, the challenge must be huge! Since my caregiving covered nearly two decades (because of multiple elders), I had a glimpse of what you are talking about. It was far easier to pack up a wheelchair and stash it in my car during the first few years than the last.

Your parents just think of you as their daughter, so therefore you are young. They likely don't see themselves being as old as they are so they can't absorb the fact that a child of theirs is a senior citizen.

The only solution I can think of for you is to say that you have - a back issue, arthritis, a shoulder problem - something that is painful, so you can't do this work. Tell them you'll find someone who can, but that you need to take care of this injury or chronic pain. They may then fall into parent mode and realize that you are "sick" so they want to help you.

This skirts the fact that you are aging therefore they are REALLY old.
Good luck! You have company here so please keep coming back to check in.
Carol

I think I'd be quite flattered… but it wouldn't get me up any ladders!

I really do empathize with you. I am an only in a similar position. My one feeling is that I do not miss out on my life because of my parents. Whilst I do what I can for them I make sure that I get out a couple of times a week and go away on short holidays. Out of ten friends I had six dropped me as soon as I started to look after my parents and four loyal ones stayed and took me out for cups of tea or shopping. I am grateful to them and their support. It is important to look after yourself as well, FreqFlyer, so you all have quality of life. One does not ask for the world, just a little consideration from time to time. I agree with Carol. Good luck and all the best!

It's just where their mind is at! For instance - Mom had her 76th birthday last week. (she suffers from dementia and alz) We are exactly 20 years apart in age - when she asked me how old she was I told her "76 and that makes me 56!". She looked at me as if I had 2 heads and said "oh you are not!" It just comes with the territory. With most caregiving - I find that when you are over tired from doing all the things life has been throwing at you along with what you "normally" do - it makes the things your loved ones say and do hard to deal with some days. Good Luck and hugs!

Thanks for everyone who commented to my question.... glad to see it is all just part of the process.

At one time I thought of getting a cane and use it when around my parents to help remind them that I am getting up in years, too.... what a sight that would be, all three of us using canes when going into the doctor offices :) But then I realized that if I did that my parents would quickly resort back to being "helicopter parents" and they would panic if they called over to my house and I didn't answer.... [sigh].

When it comes to hiring someone, I rather it be my parents doing the calling and paying as they can easily afford to hire the best. But Dad doesn't want to part with a dime. He keeps saying how much I will inherit, and I have mentioned to him "I would be too tired to enjoy it" hoping that he would dust those cobwebs off the checkbook and spend on themselves.

Oh well, I am learning what not to do when I get older !!

Yeah, it's common. I corrected my mom yesterday when she said "I hardly ever go down for lunch". I said "mom, you go down every day unless you go somewhere with me!". She replied "do you know what MY mother would have done if I corrected her that way?". I said "yes, the same thing you would do if I was a kid". Then we (thankfully let it drop). Mom says many things that are off the wall. She says it's 1988 every time someone asks her what year it is, so yes, she has dementia and I'm trying to stop correcting her unless it's something she needs to know. I don't really care what year she thinks it is so don't make a big deal about it. Could you get a grandson or handyman to do the attic chore?
I'm with you on that. God Bless!

Great response Carol!

I've found elders in my family all think the rest of us are young. Those in their 90's are always talking about the "ids" who are probably in their 70's. To them, that generic were their kids and really do seem young.

It doesn't seem that they necessarily think the next generic are little kids, not that this is a senility thing, just that they do seem so young and spry in comparison.

Personally, I now think anyone in the 30's and 40's must be able to do just about anything, is so very young, really just a kid, almost. When did this happen to me that I would think that of people in their 30's and 40's?!?!?! ;-)

Yup, my mom thinks I am young all the time. The saddest thing, her Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she is looking for her little girls often. She does not believe she is 87 and usually thinks she is in her 40's. Sometimes she says "no wonder I'm so tired". She was always one of those people that firmly believed that men should do the "hard work". Since she is so young in her place, when I go out to shovel snow, she tries to get hubby to go out and do it, and he is 85 with a hip replacement and is developing serious mobility problems. When he tells her he cannot shovel snow any longer, she gets angry and frustrated with him, then puts on her coat, gloves and hat and comes out on the ice and snow wanting to help. A terrible risk to her falling, which she does not understand either since she is still in her 40's. ;)

We have a neighborhood handy man that handles what I cannot. He charges most neighbors $40.00 an hour, but reduces it 50% for our household. Do you have someone in your neighborhood, even a high school age kid that could help with ladder and other type chores that you should not be doing any more?

I am 65 years old and receive Social Security and Medicare benefits. Yet, my 94-year old mother who lives with Alzheimer's Disease still refers to me as her sweet little boy. They say that with her disease long-term memory can remain long after the short-term memory has faded. I guess that mom must have very fond memories of me as a child.