My 84 year old Mom's unable to physically care for herself. What can I do?

My husband and I both work full time to provide what our son needs. I am a nurse, he is a food service officer in corrections. We just want her to help herself. She will not and needs to go to nursing home. She is in right mind. It's awful.

I will never allow my son to be cared for outside of my home. He is precious and a joy to care for. Unlike my mother-in-law. Lol

I know it sounds cruel, but you pull back your involvement. You have to force her to realize that it is too much for you. You talk to her doctor about the messy house and no bathing, because these are signs of dementia. He can start with some brain imaging and have her see a neurologist. Your 26 year old son should also be moved to housing for the disabled, which your county social services can help him with. None of us are getting any younger and we need to shed some burdens for our own survival.