Life brings many enjoyable missions and many overwhelming tasks to overcome. When a friend or family member becomes ill. The adventure to take on the tasks of a caregiver is overwhelming that people find to late or over looked. Or let's call it, bite more then you can chew is the later outcome. Is agreeing or becoming a first time caregiver for a love one the best tactic?
Unfortunately, I never got the chance to take care of my Parents because, they both passed away unexpectedly before their 60's. If they would have lived to seen their elderly yrs. I would have been the feller to care for them. Many know me on this Forum as venting about my 88 yr old Aunt that I agreed to take care of...As I was growing up this Aunt was one of my favorite Aunts. She was always nice to me and I looked up to her. My Father "her brother" told me yrs ago if there was anyone in the family to take of? This Aunt is the one he told me. This Aunt is also, my God Mother and was my Father's favorite sister. So, in a way I was prone to care for her when she reached her elderly yrs. After I took on this task of caregiver for my Aunt I wish I never found the word "Hate". I had no idea that this Aunt was so much of a hateful person. I never learned hate until this Aunt. Hate is like a spreading infection that's catchable. Do you love your loved one? I'm sure your answer is yes. Until you become a caregiver for them then, love is questionable. Becoming a caregiver for a loveone requires you to become closer to them and learning things about them that you may not want to learn about. I loved my Aunt. Until I became her caregiver. Now I hate her. I learned her darkside. I wish I never agreed to be her caregiver. If I never would of agreed to be her caregiver I wouldn't hate her today. Overcoming the hate isn't a simple task after catching it. Hate is a virus and very catchy. My advice to people is, before agreeing to be a caregiver for a loveone? How much do you really know about your loveone before attempting? Because, there's a darkside that you don't want to learn. Sometimes it's best to hand the rains over to someone else. The old saying "We learn as we go". If I knew then what I know now I would have never agreed to be a caregiver. I never was a hateful person until I took on this task. If you want to learn "Hate"? Become a caregiver!.. Because, enjoyable pleasure from being a caregiver isn't the only thing you will learn. Becoming a caregiver for your first time have you found the darkside yet?
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Now this isn't to say my mom isn't difficult and has her quirks, but so do I. I am very close to my mom since Dad died and she moved here, so I spend a LOT of time with her, and even then I think I should be spending more since she depends on me so much. It's not mom that gets to me; it's the burden of the time chunk that I have to give. But then I realize that someday she will be gone, and I will WISH for that phone to ring.
You see, this isn't your mom.... (I realize not all caregivers are taking care of a loving parent) but this is your aunt... and I don't think you are as close to her as you would be to a mother who raised and loved you. Do you know what I mean?
I don't think (*hope*) that you 'hate' her. I think you bit off more than you could chew with a really difficult person to caregive to. I would examine my feelings and hand the ball off, slow but sure, to the professionals before you feel like you could run away or snap. I am sure ultimately you want what is best for your aunt, and for you, too. The pros are used to dealing with difficult elderly people and understand the diseases that go with the territory.
Too late for me&mine....so many others need help&caring for their loves...will save millions$s to tax payers...
I am in this position (the little bit that was promised me, is being stolen by a sibling with POA).
I don't believe you really "hate" being caregiver, I believe you are underappreciated, and it's natural to feel extremely frustrated by that situation.
Instead of "hating" the situation, direct your frustration at the Other Family Members who SHOULD be helping (financially, time, etc).
You ALL have a responsibility.
I had taken care of three other relatives prior to my mother and NO I DID NOT KNOW IT WOULD BE THIS HARD!!! None of the three had dementia.
If I had a crystal ball 8 years ago and could have predicted or seen what was going to happen on this care giving journey, I would have run in the other direction just as both of my siblings have.
Being treated badly takes a toll on you, I do not care if it is the disease, you are beaten down by it. Not being paid for your services so you can "save the inheritance" only to have it divided between those who do not life a finger to help, will make you angry or resentful.
This disease does bring out their bad side and in doing so, most assuredly will bring out yours as well....at least on occasion. Then when you decide you can handle it no longer and they will have to go to a nursing home, you get to experience the feeling of failure, and listen to everyone else as they tell you how disappointed they are.....in you!
I think you posted a valid question.
We went into town yesterday for shopping as soon as we got there she wanted to sit down so we went for a coffee then she spent about 15mins looking around a shop and AGAIN needed to sit down so we went for another coffee then home?? so sad that she cant manage a few hours out like she used to. I feel guilty as im running out of patience with her and i shouldnt as its not her fault i guess im seeing that shes becoming more and more dependent on me and im finding this overwhelming and a huge responsibility.
I met a woman the other day whos mum has ALS we got talking and she says her mum lives alone but she has family all over and they have a rota so her mum is never alone. I felt so jealous and felt no sympathy for her just kept telling her how lucky she was. she said her mum would never end up in a NH yeh right?
Imagine feeling envious of people who have support from family?
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