We suspect my elderly father is being controlled and verbally and financially abused by his wife of 3 years. What can we do?

Of course she won't let you speak to him alone, she figures you are after his money. Take her aside and see if she has noticed his dementia, calm her fears. Offer to help HER. Assure her that if he dies, she will not be left out in the cold. Work with her, not against her, that is what she fears.

Well,without any proof you don't have a leg to stand on.Without talking to your father without the wife of 3 yrs you'll never will know what is going on.First thing to do is to attempt to speek with him alone.You maybe over reacting and your dad may want what is going on.Sounds like your not getting along with the new step mother is why your attempting to point fingers.If you feel something isn't right?Either ask your father or change your tactics on things.If you want to know whats going on you need to become friends with your step mother.Once you become close you will learn more.Requires being sneaky and kindness.Be kind,kindness kills lol.Find a project for you and your father to do?Go fishing?There's gotta be something you two can do to be alone.Take him to a movie.Take them both to walmart shopping.Get him in another lane to talk.There's ways to get your dad alone i'm sure.But,if you don't have proof.Your stepping into their marrage for no real reason.That's not right!If worried of his living conditions contact APS's.

He has recently gotten a high CRP lab result, which may indicate dementia. He will be seeing his doctor soon. I do not believe the wife will allow me to be at this consultation but I would like to be there to find out more about his mental health. His uncharacteristic behavior also leads me to believe he may be in the early stages of dementia. She will not agree to let me meet with him alone, though.

I have a couple of questions. First, it doesn't sound like he's suffering from anything like dementia, so he's competent, right? I would take him out, and suggest to him that he update his accounts, his will, everything. Explain carefully, that you're concerned about the way this woman as shut everyone out of his life. He needs to get her on a budget, and get her name of his accounts. If she loves him, it won't be a problem. Tell her he's got a financial counselor. That the man is going over all his boos. Get one, so he's not lying. That should be enough to test her. And he needs to put his foot down about seeing his family.