Mom needs to be moved, Should I tell her?

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bls0901 Asked March 2014

Mom needs to be moved, Should I tell her?

The ALF where my mom lives has given me 45 days to move my mother out. They said that her level of care has changed and they can not have her there anymore. Mom has dementia and I am afraid to tell her ahead of time because certain things she does remember and I am afraid that she will think that she is moving back home. She does accept my explanation that she is in ALF because her Dr. does not want her living alone anymore due to her memory problem and that her house has steps. As it stands now I have asked her church friend to take her out to lunch the day of the move and to bring her back to the new AFL place. If my mom questions me why she has been moved I plan on telling her that her Dr. does not think that her medications were being managed very well where she was. Am I handling this the right way?

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score 0 · Answer 1

You know, I would if I thought that I should blast her current house out of the water but there are still patients living there whom would have no other place to go (Medicaid waiver). The care there is adequate but I just do not understand how my state can actually allow someone to be a glorified adult day care worker be responsible for adults with dementia with minimal training. The owner is forced to cut costs in other areas that are detrimental to the patients yet meet the minimal regulations. Now after having mom in a ALF for a year I am a lot wiser with what to look for in regards of care and I am aware of the different "levels" of care.

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score 0 · Answer 2

Sorry, I didn't mean you should defame the former ALF, just engage in some therapeutic fibbing about the fact that they didn't have the right certification for her care, or somesuch.

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score 0 · Answer 3

I have no intentions on defaming the ALF home that she is in but I will say that the timing of her being asked to be moved was coincidently the direction that I was considering already. I have seen 3 caregivers come and go in the year that she has been there and the very young girl there now (4) is minimally trained. Where my mother is moving now the lady has been a RN for 17 years and has been in geriatric care for 8 of those years. Unless family members are very diligent about popping in un announced who knows what goes on in some of the homes. I read many reviews of homes in the area provided by various placement services and toured quite a few to find the new one.

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score 1 · Answer 4

Please don't defame the ALF, just tell her she needed better care, that it is a better place.

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score 0 · Answer 5

One thing about moving mom is that she really likes the weekend caregiver where she is at and the manager at the new house looks, smiles and fixes her hair the same way so I think that mom will think it is the same person!

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score 1 · Answer 6

Yes, you are doing exactly the right thing. don't discuss beforehand, it will only make her anxious and unsettled. Put the blame on the move on the former ALF!!

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score 1 · Answer 7

Yes, absolutely, you are being very kind to consider your moms feelings and angst that a new move will bring. Try to set up her new place very similarly to her old place --down to the placement of the furnishings, pictures hung in same spots, etc.

Might seem like going overboard, but might even get some cupcakes, small snacks and festive party tableware and invite staff to her new apt a day or so after her arrival to make her feel special and welcome.

I hope it works out. So hard to have to put these elders thru so many changes.

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Mom needs to be moved, Should I tell her?

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